Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
TAYLOR SWIFT, REBA, BEYONCÉ, WEEZER GETS INTO THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS
Also Buddy Holly and Mary Tyler Moore.
THE ROLLING STONES DE-AGED IN NEW VIDEO
Time is on their side.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
THE EVEL KNIEVEL EXPERIENCE
Jumpin’ jiminy!
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WOMAN WINS BIGGEST-EVER PRIZE ON “THE PRICE IS RIGHT”
Have your pets spayed or neutered.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
AMC THEATRES LAUNCHES LIVE CONCERT BUSINESS
Next step: hologram concerts.
BRITNEY SPEARS GETS A YEAR PROBATION
Wet reckless.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
This guy’s father dies, so he goes to the undertaker.
Tells him he wants the best of everything for his father. The funeral the funeral is absolutely beautiful, and the guy is very pleased.
Then he gets a bill for $16,000, and he pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it’s a supplemental charge bill, so he pays that, too. Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, “I keep getting these bills for 85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already.” The undertaker says, “You said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux.”
Did you hear about the woman who passed out on the merry-go-round?
She’s coming around now.
Pirate walks into a bar.
He has a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “what’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”
Pirate says, “Arr, there’s Bounty on me head.”
What did Salvador Dali eat for breakfast each morning?
Surreal.
Boss says, “Kid, I’m sorry, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”
Kid goes, “Was it something I said?”
Boss says, “Yes”.
U.S. NEWS
FATHER OF THE YEAR: SEATBELTS, LICENSE, WARRANTS, TODDLERS, SNOT, AND A GUN
Six in the chamber, three in the backseat.
GUY FORGETS BITCOIN PASSWORD, AI FINDS IT FOR HIM
What a dope. Speaking of dope…
WOMAN SMUGGLED CLAMS IN HER WADERS
Not a euphemism.
ZOLTAR WINS MAN A MILLION DOLLARS
Big winnings.
HIGHLY IDENTIFIABLE BANK ROBBER CAUGHT
It’s what the fashionable robbers are wearing these days.
TARGET TO REPLACE SHOPPING CARTS TO WIN CUSTOMERS BACK
That’s just how they roll.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
THE 59,000-YEAR-OLD DENTIST
Tim Conway?
ATTEMPT TO CROSS THE ATLANTIC IN A 4-FOOT BOAT
Sail on, sailor.
TOUR COMPANY REFUNDS FAMILY $1200 BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T FIND POOL CHAIRS
Who are we to sit in judgment?
MAN WALKS INTO HOSPITAL WITH A MACHETE IN HIS HEAD
Not an episode of The Pitt.
AUDIO: DRIVER CRASHES INTO MURAL THAT LOOKS LIKE A TUNNEL ENTRANCE
© Looney Tunes (1954)
TIMMY THE WHALE, R.I.P.
Aw, quit your blubberin’!
10 ARRESTED FOR CLAIMING THEIR GENITALS WERE STOLEN
She turned me into a newt!
AUDIO: FRENCH PRESIDENT SINGS, ARMENIAN PRESIDENT PLAYS DRUMS DURING DINNER
Give it up for Macron & Pashinyanfunkel!
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Secret Bear Handshake
When Hydrants Get Cold
Spider Cat
Magnificent Goat
Sergeant, The Enemy Is Using Logs
Leprechaun Convention?
THE BUZZ
UNUSUAL BUSINESS EXPENSES
Oh, those sales reps!
1 IN 8 KIDS HAVE HAD A PARENT ARRESTED
Sorry your mom’s in jail, bro.
DUMB HEADLINES
Have listeners vote for the dumbest one.
AMERICAN ____________
What is this, The Match Game?
HALF OF AMERICANS NOT HAVING ENOUGH FUN
To whee! or not to whee!
IT SEEMED LUXURIOUS AS A CHILD
We spoil you kids.
USEFUL LIFEHACKS
Who has ten minutes anymore?
FOR A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP, PAINT YOUR BEDROOM BLUE
It’s true – ask Sherwin Williams.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
OBSESSION
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
IN THE GREY
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
IS GOD IS
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 15.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Service
Which will have a breakdown first – your new car from A & M, or Big Mike?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 8.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green
Big Al and Big Mike … who’s the bigger putz?
SONG PARODY: TANK OF GAS
What decade is this again?
STAR WARS BABIES
Baby Yoda!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 1.
HEADLINE PARK 2026
For air May 1. The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, May 2!
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Save 112 Percent
Ordinarily, Al and Mike can’t even pay people to take their cars – but during this sale, they will!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 24.
RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON
One or our classics.
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