SUCK-ON GADGET GIVES YOU COVETED “V-FACE”

Did you know: A small, oval-shaped face with a well-defined and pointy V-line chin is one of the most coveted female beauty features in many Asian countries. Women are being told they can achieve this beauty standard by simply sucking on a bottle-shaped gadget for 10 minutes a day. Chinese shopping platform TaoBao is selling a… well, it looks like a cutoff end of a large salami. It vibrates up to 880 times per minute and it’s these high-frequency vibrations that somehow stimulate facial muscles and reshape your face. The description says if women suck on it for just 10 minutes a day (* Get your mind out of the gutter!), they will achieve the coveted V-Face. The gadget is priced at $198 on the TaoBao website. However, there are also a host of similar alternatives, with prices ranging from just $39 to $319. Judging by user reviews, people are generally happy with their performance.
(pictures: https://www.facebook.com/hklaughpic/posts/4043919499007961)
* Even cheaper would be using the actual cutoff end of a large salami.
* I hope nobody tuned in just as I was saying “if women suck on it for just 10 minutes a day.”
* I always thought the goal was O-face.
* The ad line should say, “If you have A face, you need V-Face.”
* Or – and hear me out – OR, you could just buy a sack of lemons.