STEPHEN COLBERT FINALE TO RUN LONG

… a horse who was a pretty good fielder and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a try-out with a big league team. Up at bat, the horse slams the ball far into left field. Then he just stands at the plate, watching it go. The manager screamed, “Run! Run!” Horse says, “Are you kidding? If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”

Where do boxers go to get treatment for their injuries?

posted May 19

Medicine Square Garden.

What do they call it when it’s raining coins outside?

posted May 18

Climate change.

How much wine did the old Spanish sailors drink?

posted May 15

Galleons and Galleons.

This guy’s father dies, so he goes to the undertaker.

posted May 14

Tells him he wants the best of everything for his father. The funeral the funeral is absolutely beautiful, and the guy is very pleased. Then he gets a bill for $16,000, and he pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it’s a supplemental charge bill, so he pays that, too. Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, “I keep getting these bills for 85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already.” The undertaker says, “You said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux.”