SNEAKERS WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T EXERCISE

Under Armour has created sneakers with chip technology that tells your smartphone or smartwatch when your muscles are too tired to run at full capacity. Next February, the company is releasing three running shoes – costing $140 to $160 – that connect to the MapMyRun Under Armour app. Said Mike Lee from Under Armour, “We know that one of the biggest problems runners face is pushing through pain and fatigue, leading to injury.” Under Armour’s Record Equipped footwear is the first to measure your body’s readiness for exercise.
* Not an issue with me.
* My sneakers already tell me not to exercise. I look at them, and they say, “Not today, pally.”
* I’m sorry but I don’t consult with sneakers. That’s what my sofa is for.
* Oh, and by the way, sofas don’t judge.
* I may be weird, but I can actually tell all by myself when I’m experiencing pain and fatigue.
* Plus these sneakers got a big red flag from my Stupid Product Warning App.
* Run at full capacity? I don’t even know what that means.
* I know one thing, I can hang out at full capacity. That is for sure.
* I’ve got your full capacity right here for you.