SHOPLIFTER TO COPS: "EVERYONE STEALS FROM THIS STORE"

Prolancia Aquila Turner, 26, was arrested last Friday for stealing items from a Claire’s store in a Vero Beach, Florida, mall. She walked out of the store with earrings valued at $12.50 in the waistband of her pants. Crying and angry, Turner did not proclaim her innocence. Instead, she told police, “Everyone steals from this store. Why are you picking on me?” Turner’s rap sheet includes two other theft arrests, both in 2015.
* “Oh. In that case, you are free to go.”
* They’re “picking on you” because you keep stealing stuff without getting any better at it.
* “Everyone steals from this store” is the equivalent of “I wasn’t speeding, officer, but I passed a couple of guys who were.”
* I do question the phrase “earrings valued at $12.50” when talking about Claire’s, but shoplifting is still wrong.
* If you go by what Claire’s paid for the earrings (from China, no doubt) before retail markup, they were easily out a dollar, maybe $1.50.
* The $12.50 earrings are the ones they keep in the locked glass case in that store, right?
* I think as punishment, it’s only right that she be sentenced to work at Claire’s.
* Relax, the earrings will look good on you at the trial.
* See? Even the small-time crooks are wackier in Florida.
* There but for the grace of God goes Lindsay Lohan.
* Ironically. Lindsay would say the same thing: “Why are you picking on me? Don’t you know who I am?”