SCOTLAND’S PLAN IF LOCH NESS MONSTER IS EVER DISCOVERED

Scottish officials say they actually have a plan ready if the Loch Ness Monster is ever caught. The “partly serious, partly fun” plan was written in 2001 by Scottish Natural Heritage, which is funded by the Scottish government. The plan: take a DNA sample so scientists can study the creature. Then, push it back into the lake with measures put in place to make sure it is not disturbed, as the creature would be an extremely rare species needing conservation.
* Catch and release, then.
* How about charging admission to see it? Bigfoot could work the ticket booth, and Elvis can run the concessions..
* Isn’t anybody the least bit curious as to the taste?
* A DNA sample: “You swab its cheek.” “No, YOU swab its cheek.”
* They could have Chris Pratt come talk to it.