SCHOOL ENDS STUDENT BIRTHDAY SPANKINGS

In Alvord, Texas, Alvord Elementary School is ending its eight-year tradition of giving kids birthday spankings. The small town school’s Principal Bridget Williams notified parents in a letter that she had received complaints about the practice – which weren’t “actual spankings” – which the kids loved. Williams described the celebration: When a student’s name is called in the morning to come to the office to celebrate their birthday they may receive birthday spankings along with a new pencil and a piece of candy. The spankings took place in the main office, which has surveillance cameras, and there are other adults present. Some parents defended the practice, but at least two complained. From now on, the school will celebrate each child’s birthday with a hug or a high five.
* Wait – did you say “hug”? That’s worse.
* How about just a handshake and an extra dessert from the cafeteria?
* The kids loved the spankings? You mean they’re not thrilled getting a new pencil?
* Start with elementary school spankings, and you grow up to be like Chuck Rhoades on “Billions”. (The character, played by Paul Giamatti, is into S&M.)
* You can tell things were getting out of control when, at the beginning of the school year, all the kids were assigned a locker, a desk and a safe word.
* I just Googled Principal Bridget Williams. She can spank ME if she wants.