ROBBER TAKES PEANUT BUTTER, WINDOW SCREEN

Police in Watts Township, Pennsylvania, are investigating a burglary where a home was robbed of a jar of peanut butter and a window screen. On May 28 around 10:40 a.m., police responded to a reported burglary at the home, which was missing a window screen worth $20 and a jar of peanut butter.
* Creamy or chunky? C’mon, people, where’s the attention to detail?
* The burglar was gone in a Jif.
* Peanut butter and a window screen. Something here doesn’t mesh.
* It doesn’t sound like much of a haul, but to be fair, the jar of peanut butter was almost full.
* Peanut butter and a window screen. Last week, we had a burglar who stole a pair of speakers and Old Spice. Is this some wacky new internet challenge? Steal the two most random things you can?
* I know – Does Macgyver have an alibi? He could make seven different things out of peanut butter and a window screen.
* Back at the hideout: “What? I was supposed to grab jewelry and electronics? You and your lousy handwriting!!!”