POLAR BEARS INVADE ISLAND TOWN

Parents in a remote Russian archipelago are scared to send their children to school because of a “mass invasion” of polar bears. Novaya Zemlya, an island located off Russia’s northeastern arctic coast, has been swarmed by dozens of polar bears since December. The region’s largest settlement, Belushya Guba, with a population of about 2,500 people, has reported more than 50 sightings. Local officials say bears have attacked people and entered buildings. A state of emergency was announced on Saturday, with up to 10 polar bears reportedly on the settlement’s territory at any given time.
* And they’re littering the place with empty Coke bottles.
* And I complain about a spider in the bathroom.
* Time to build a wall.
* Call Sarah Palin and tell her to get her helicopter and rifle over there pronto.
* Man, a polar bear infestation, just as baseball season is about to start on Novaya Zemlya.
* Here’s an idea for all you Novaya Zemlyans: MOVE!!!!