PITBULL (THE DOG) MAULS FREDDIE MERCURY (THE SEAL)

A popular seal nicknamed Freddie Mercury, who lived along the Thames River in London, was mauled to death by an unleashed dog. The dog’s owner, Rebecca Sabben-Clare, and four passers-by tried to pry her mixed-breed dog off Freddie during the vicious attack near the Hammersmith Bridge on Sunday. Eventually, they got her dog off, and Freddie was left with a fractured flipper and an infected wound. After trying to save Freddie’s life, veterinarians had to put him down. (* There was a lot of blubbering.) Since arriving to the Thames a few weeks ago, the beloved 10-month-old seal had been garnering legions of adoring fans. Police later apparently told Ms. Sabben-Clare, a high-end lawyer, that no offense had been committed.
* What do you want to bet it was the other way around – the tricky lawyer TOLD THE COPS there was no offense committed?
* Mixed-breed. The term you use when you don’t want to shame pitbull owners.
* Like Freddie Mercury used to sing, Tie Your Doggie Down.
* Another one bites the seal.
* Well, what seal wants to live forever?