OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS, 2022

The 2022 “Oprah’s Favorite Things People Have Paid Me To Put In This Catalogue” is out. Here are just some of the items:
(full catalog here: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a41652152/oprahs-favorite-things-2022/)
– Ray-Ban Stories Wayfarer Smart Glasses – they take a picture of what you’re looking at! But mostly pictures of the sky when you have them sitting on top of your head. Just $329
– Girlfriend Collective Compressive Pocket Leggings – stretch tights with pockets, to make you even lumpier than you are. $70
– Theragun Mini Vibrating Massager – soothes sore muscles from “working out.” Uh huh. And it’s small enough to take with you on-the-go! $179
– Snif Old Saint Wick Scented Candle, $103. You know it smells good, because it’s $103.
– Dr. Barbara Sturm Cleanser. We’re not sure if her name is Barbara Sturm, or if her name is Dr. Barbara and it cleanses your sturm. It costs $75.
– Reuseable Makeup Remover Pads, $16. Once again: Reuseable. Makeup. Remover. Pads.
– Revolution InstaGLO R270 Touchscreen Toaster – an extreme heat source with an electronic touchscreen! Just $399
– Stone Hollow Movie Night Trio Popcorn Gift Box – a jar of popcorn, a small bottle of rosemary oil, and a little tube of sea salt. $75
– Laurel & Ash Farm Limited-Edition Bottle of Maple Syrup: $65. Goes great with $80 pancakes.
– Live 12-inch Frantoio Olive Tree In A Container. $87 Actual olives to arrive 8-10 years later.
* Remember all those things that were Oprah’s favorites last year: FORGET IT! You’re old news. Oprah likes these things now.
* The best part is, her whole Favorite Things website is “presented by Amazon,” so she gets even a little MORE money when you click on the Amazon link! Oprah’s diabolical enough to be a Bond villain.
* I wouldn’t even buy this junk with Monopoly money.
* Alright, GOOP: Top THIS. Ball’s in your court. And it’s a lovely designer ball, scented with tamarind and comes in its own sandalwood box whose lid doubles as a charcuterie board.