NORTH KOREA WANTS OUR BASKETBALL PLAYERS

Remember the second summit in Hanoi, between North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and American di—er, President Donald Trump – the one where Trump walked away from the table? Before that summit, North Korea had requested part of the agreement between the countries include the U.S. sending “famous basketball players” to normalize relations between the two countries. The request was made as part of the cultural exchange between the two countries. Kim Jong Un is a diehard basketball fan. Since boarding school in Switzerland, Kim has said he loves playing basketball and would wear a Chicago Bulls sweatshirt and Nike sneakers (* The adorable kind they make for babies, I’d guess). Kim Jong Un’s father Kim Jong Il was also a fan of basketball and had requested that the U.S. send Michael Jordan to North Korea, but Jordan declined the request. Instead, we gifted the North Koreans a basketball signed by Jordan in 2000.
* Send our basketball players? Doesn’t this knucklehead realize we’re in the middle of Conference Semifinals?
* Kim Jong Un’s favorite team? The rrrrrrRockets! He wants to launch them into the Sea of Japan.
* As the internet says, it’s not that he likes basketball players as much as he needs people to help him reach things on the top shelf.
* Why don’t we just send North Korea our basketball arena food? That will immobilize them, and we can invade with no pushback.