NEW GIRL SCOUT COOKIE: LEMON-UPS

You’re not even done with the Christmas desserts, and it’s Girl Scout Cookie season again. Joining the lineup this year is something new: Lemon-Ups. Crispy Lemon-Up wafers have, as the name implies, a lemony taste, but also are stamped with positive affirmations like “I Am a Leader” and “I Am a Go-Getter.”
* And “I Can Overcome My Gluten Intolerance”.
* You’re a Go-Getter? Well go get me some Girl Scout S’mores. I don’t like lemon flavored cookies.
* Lemon-Ups are the opposite of Girl Scout Do-Si-Downers, which are stamped with “You really should stop after six”, and “Wouldn’t you rather be having a Thin Mint?”
* Look, I get daily affirmation from my coffee, I don’t need it from my cookies.
* If I’m going to read these product promotions disguised as press releases, I want some free cookies, dammit!