MONDAY, Sept 18 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, September 18, 2023
(Print button is at bottom of post. To print with larger type, cut and paste content into a document, and print that document.)

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: JUST A COUPLE OF GUYS FIERI

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

AIR FORCE BIRTHDAY
The official date of the founding of the U.S. Air Force is September 18, 1947.

NATIONAL CHEESEBURGER DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Cheeseburger Day is today. Top off America’s favorite sandwich, with a piece of cheese. The food industry makes it a point to celebrate a wide variety of foods. We believe the Cheeseburger certainly earns a special day. Celebrate National Cheeseburger Day by firing up the grill, and cooking cheeseburgers. You can do so for lunch or dinner … or both! Any kind of cheese will do. Try a different cheese, if you’re adventuresome. For the carb conscious, eat your burgers without the buns. Watch for lunch and dinner specials today at your local restaurants. Tops on the specials board certainly should be cheeseburgers!”

WATER MONITORING DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“Water is a precious commodity, and one which we tend to take for granted – until supplies run short. Water Monitoring Day promotes considerate usage of water, so as to preserve resources and ensure that water is available where and when it’s needed most. It also promotes awareness of what’s actually in our water – from beneficial nutrients and minerals to harmful chemicals, why not take this day to understand what you’re drinking?”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites.

MONDAY, Sept 18

“Neighbours: A New Chapter”
Freevee – New Series
Synopsis: The legendary Australian soap opera returns in a new variation from Amazon’s ad-supported platform Freevee.

TUESDAY, Sept 19

Season Premieres:
Fox – “I Can See Your Voice”
Fox – “Name That Tune”

WEDNESDAY, Sept 20

“The Super Models”
Apple TV+ – New Docuseries
Synopsis: Four-part series spotlighting the careers of Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista and Christy Turlington, who dominated the elite modeling world and formed a bond that shifted the power dynamic of the industry.

Season Premieres:
FX – “American Horror Story: Delicate, Part One”
Netflix – “Murdaugh Murders: A Southern Scandal”

HUGH JACKMAN AND WIFE DIVORCING

Australian actors Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness have announced they are splitting up. They had been married for 27 years. In a statement the couple said they had been “blessed” to be together but, they wrote, “Our journey now is shifting and we have decided to separate to pursue our individual growth. We undertake this next chapter with gratitude, love, and kindness.” The pair said it was the “sole statement” they would make on the subject.
* She complained he never cuts his nails after those Wolverine movies, and he said he was tired of just being her arm candy.
* Maybe she’s sick of him singing show tunes all the time.
* Sad, but it’s comforting to know that being handsome doesn’t solve everything.
* He’s now her ex-man.

THANK GOD DWTS WILL PERFORM A TRIBUTE DANCE TO FLORENCE HENDERSON, SOMETIME THIS SEASON

Has TV dancing gone off the cliff? “Dancing With the Stars” pro Peta Murgatroyd has announced that she and her celebrity partner Barry Williams will “absolutely” pay homage to the Brady Bunch star’s TV mom Florence Henderson on this season of Dancing with the Stars. Murgatroyd says, “Barry was extremely close with her. He’s teared up a couple of times talking about her. So, I think there’s definitely going to be a week where we can pay homage to her for sure. She was a beautiful person.” Henderson, who died in 2016, competed with Corky Ballas in 2010.
* Can we maybe dial back the drama? It’s a TV dancing show.
* Ukrainian war refugees don’t get a tribute dance, but Mrs. Brady does. Priorities, people!
* When does Alice the maid get a tribute dance? She was the backbone of that family.
* No love for Robert Reed?

THE BUZZ

2023 IG NOBEL AWARDS

It’s time again for the annual Ig Nobel Awards, awards to dubious achievements in science. Here are some of the more questionable scientific studies from the past year:
– Jan Zalasiewicz, a paleontologist at the University of Leicester in the UK, for explaining why many scientists like to lick rocks. His conclusion: “Wetting the surface allows fossil and mineral textures to stand out sharply rather than being lost in the blur of intersecting micro-reflections and micro-refractions that come out of a dry surface.”
– Grad students at Rice University, for re-animating dead spiders to use as mechanical gripping tools. They transformed a dead wolf spider into a gripping tool that was able to pick up… another dead wolf spider. (* How about studying what’s killing all the wolf spiders?)
– Researchers at the University of California at Irvine, for using cadavers to explore whether there is an equal number of hairs in each of a person’s two nostrils. The results: The average nose hair count per nostril is between 120 and 122 hairs. (* That’s a range of only 1.6%. Why split hairs?)
– A team of Spanish researchers for studying the mental activities of people who are expert at speaking backward.
– Seung-min Park, for inventing the Stanford Toilet, a device that uses a variety of technologies to monitor and quickly analyze the substances that humans excrete. (* Obviously, the crappiest entry.)
– A pair of Japanese researchers for their experiments to determine how electrified chopsticks and drinking straws can change the taste of food. (* I’m shocked they got the money for this.)
– A team from the University of Hong Kong, for methodically studying the boredom of teachers and students. (* Physician, heal thyself!)
– Leonard Bickman and Lawrence Berkowitz, for experiments on a city street to see how many passersby stop to look upward when they see strangers looking upward. They found that if just one person was looking up, just 4 percent of passersby would stop and also look up, compared to 40 percent who stopped when 15 people were looking up.
– Five researchers from the University of Leeds, for studying the sensations people feel “when they repeat a single word many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.”
* Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. I feel superior. Stuperior, as it were.
* They award these in September, then in October come the real Nobel Prizes, making these people seem even stupider. Kind of mean.

U.S. NEWS

HIGH SCHOOL BAND DIRECTOR WOULDN’T STOP THE MUSIC

In Birmingham, Alabama, a high school band director was tased and arrested when he would not order his band to stop playing. The incident happened Thursday night following the Jackson-Olin High School vs. Minor High School football game. After the football game ended, officers were in the process of clearing out the stadium. Both school’s bands were playing. Officers spoke with both schools’ band directors to end the performance so students and attendees would leave the stadium. Officers were able to get Jackson-Olin’s band to stop performing, but Minor High School band director, Johnny Mims, would not stop. Officers attempted to take Mims into custody for disorderly conduct when a physical altercation ensued. Mims was tased and arrested.
* But he was never able to give the cutoff sign, and the band is still playing now, as I speak.
* The Bruce Springsteen of high school bandleaders wanted to go for four hours.
* Baton versus Taser. The safe bet’s on the taser.
* Never argue with the police. Especially when they want to knock off and go home.
* Why is it called Minor High School? Self-esteem issues? Why not call it Superlative High School, or Most Excellent High School?

CUSTOMERS TAKE OVER EMPLOYEE-FREE HOTEL

Last Wednesday in Nashville, Tennessee, three friends went to check in at La Quinta Inn & Suites, but there were no employees in sight. After checking to make sure no one had fallen asleep behind the desk or in one of the back offices, the friends began to answer phones, greet customers, even set up the breakfast buffet. They also reached out to the general manager, who was on a business trip in California and wasn’t aware that there were no employees in the place. The friends fielded several complaints from customers about unauthorized payments as well as a lack of hotel personnel available. Police later showed up to hotel, but gave them permission to “do whatever you have to do.” (* Uhhh … how about putting a Help Wanted sign in the window?) Eventually, a manager from another hotel showed up, and comped the friends three suites at his hotel.
* Also, all the pillow mints they could carry.
* This takes “silent quitting” to a whole new level.
* A free hotel with dozens of empty rooms. These guys passed up an incredible party opportunity.
* Wait’ll they find the missing manager’s body in the ice machine, missing a kidney.

SAME BEARS KEEP DESTROYING TRAIL CAMERAS

A mother black bear and her three cubs have been caught five times destroying trail camera in Minnesota’s Voyageurs National Park. Over the past year, the bear family has either knocked them over or chewed them up and destroyed them. Researchers have set up more than 200 trail cameras in the park to study wolves. They believe the mama bear has trained her three cubs to wreck any trail camera they find in the woods for years to come.
* Sounds like the bears are being paid off by the place that sells the cameras.
* Or they’re being paid off by the wolves.
* If they’re looking for proof that bears poop in the woods, I believe that has been a long-established fact.
* With all the hidden cameras, maybe the bears should report the researchers for peeping.
* Now do cell phones!

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WINEMAKER DIES IN OWN VAT

One man drowned and another was hospitalized after inhaling toxic fumes at an Italian winery. It happened last Thursday at the Ca’di Rajo winery in the city of Treviso in northern Italy. The two men were working on a processing tank. One man was overcome by fumes and fell into the vat, where he drowned. His colleague jumped in to save him, but he was also overcome by fumes before he was pulled to safety. Neither men were wearing breathing apparatuses or safety harnesses.
* Translation: “Here come the lawsuits.”
* Not a good year for Ca-di Rajo wine.
* “Mmm – this wine is particularly full-bodied. What is it?”
* So much for aging like a fine wine.
* Not to change the subject, but … can someone tell us what the toxic stuff is they’re using to make our wine?
* This is very similar to an accident two weeks ago at an Irish brewery. A worker fell in one of the beer vats and drowned. The brewmaster went to tell the man’s wife. He said, “I’ve got horrible news for you. Your husband fell into a beer vat today and drowned.” She asked “Did he suffer?” And the brewmaster said, “I don’t think so. He did get out three times to pee.”

TRENDING

DREW BARRYMORE NOW NOT COMING BACK DURING STRIKE

Drew Barrymore announced Sunday that she will NOT be coming back for a new season of “The Drew Barrymore Show” until the writers strike is done. When she first announced that she was coming back, there was great pushback from the strikers. Barrymore wrote on Instagram. “I have listened to everyone, and I am making the decision to pause the show’s premiere until the strike is over. I have no words to express my deepest apologies to anyone I have hurt and, of course, to our incredible team who works on the show and has made it what it is today. We really tried to find our way forward. And I truly hope for a resolution for the entire industry very soon.”

RUSSELL BRAND ACCUSED OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

Comedian and actor Russell Brand is facing multiple allegations of rape and sexual assault following an in-depth investigation by a team of British media outlets. In a lengthy piece published by The Times, multiple women in both Britain and the United States make allegations of rape as well physical and mental abuse between 2006 and 2013. Brand has denied the claims in a video posted on his YouTube channel, saying all of his relationships have always been consensual.

ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME JANN WENNER REMOVED FROM BOARD OF ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME

Another interview, another un-thought-through comment, another cancellation: Jann Wenner, who founded Rolling Stone magazine and was a co-founder of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, has been removed from the hall’s board of directors after making comments that were seen as denigrating Black and female musicians. In a New York Times interview published last week, Wenner was talking about his new book “The Masters,” which features interviews with musicians Bob Dylan, Jerry Garcia, Mick Jagger, John Lennon, Bruce Springsteen, Pete Townshend and U2’s Bono. The interviewer wondered why they were all white and male. Asked why he didn’t interview women or Black musicians, Wenner responded: “It’s not that they’re inarticulate, although, go have a deep conversation with Grace Slick or Janis Joplin. Please, be my guest. You know, Joni (Mitchell) was not a philosopher of rock ’n’ roll. She didn’t, in my mind, meet that test,” he told the Times. He went on, “Of Black artists — you know, Stevie Wonder, genius, right? I suppose when you use a word as broad as ‘masters,’ the fault is using that word. Maybe Marvin Gaye, or Curtis Mayfield? I mean, they just didn’t articulate at that level,” Wenner said.

FAKE CELEBRITY EXPERIENCES

Last week we told you about how celebrities are auctioning off ‘experiences’ to raise money for workers at risk of losing their health insurance due to the ongoing Hollywood strikes. The prizes range from a portrait of your dog painted by John Lithgow to Natasha Lyonne helping you solve the The New York Times crossword to taking a pottery class with Busy Philipps. And then fans started inventing their own imaginary dream auction experiences. These aren’t actual items you can bid on, but they should be:
– Toni Collette will scream at you from across a dinner table: $10,000
– Mindy Kaling will confirm or deny if B.J. Novak is the father of her children: $2,151
– Staring contest with Cillian Murphy
– Get drunk with the cast of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” as they belittle and insult you while they stay in full character: $10,000
– Taylor Swift will watch your funeral from a distance, so your friends and family are like, “Did they know each other?”
– Fall asleep on a Facetime call with Daniel Kaluuya: $1,225
– Varnish a cabinet with David Lynch: 10,000
– Christopher Walken tells you what happened that night on the boat, with Natalie Wood: $9,128,000

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (Sept. 15-17)

1. A Haunting in Venice – $15 million
2. The Nun 2 – $14.6 million
3. Equalizer 3 – $7.3 million
4. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 – $4.6 million
5. Barbie – $3.6 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Jason Sudeikis (actor, comedian, “Ted Lasso,” “SNL”) … 48
James Marsden (actor, “Westworld,” “Dead to Me”) … 50
Jada Pinkett Smith (actress) … 52
Aisha Tyler (actress, “Criminal Minds,” host of “Whose Line Is Is anyway”) … 53
Kerry Livgren (guitarist with Kansas) … 74
Frankie Avalon (1950s/60s singer, actor) … 83

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“If I had my way, I’d wear jewelry, a great pair of heels, and nothing else.”

(A) Lester Holt
(B) Martha Stewart
(C) Jada Pinkett Smith

ANSWER: (C) Jada Pinkett Smith

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1996 – An Italian appeals court overturned a wife-beating ruling, claiming that the husband only beat his wife occasionally – which was deemed legal.
* Are we sure that date is 1996 and not 1596?

1995 – A 200-meter long pizza was cooked in Malo, Italy, setting a new world record.
* For heartburn.

1991 – France abolished execution by guillotine.
* That reminds me – I have to pick up some disposable razors on the way home.

1955 – The Kenner Company introduced “Play-Doh” to the world.
* And parents have been trying to get it out of their carpets ever since.

1927 – The Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System – a 16-station radio network that would eventually become CBS – was launched.
* So instead of an eye, was their first logo an ear?

1881 – The Chicago Tribune reported on an experiment with a new invention, an early form of television called “televideo.”
* And the test broadcast was hosted by Dick Clark.

1830 – The “Tom Thumb,” the first locomotive built in America, raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when the locomotive had some mechanical difficulties.
* Starting the grand tradition of Amtrak.

1793 – U.S. President George Washington laid the actual cornerstone of the U.S. Capitol.
* That was in the days before government officials figured out how to arrange construction kickbacks.

1709 – The creator of the first dictionary of the English language, Samuel Johnson, was born in England.
* So before then, was there such a word as “dictionary”?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – Taylor Swift was at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Shake It Off.” It was Swift’s second No.1 single in the United States and the 22nd song to debut at No.1 in the chart’s history.

2009 – Leonard Cohen collapsed on stage during a concert in Valencia in Spain and was taken to a hospital. He was later discharged after doctors told him he had food poisoning. Cohen was in the middle of singing his song “Bird On The Wire” when he fainted, prompting the band to stop playing and rush to help him.

2007 – Britney Spears – during her “going nuts” phase – was dropped by her management company, one month after employing their services. Los Angeles-based The Firm said: “We have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears. We believe she is enormously talented, but current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job.”

2006 – 73-year-old country singer Willie Nelson and four members from his band were charged with drug possession after marijuana and magic mushrooms were found by police on his tour bus. Police had stopped the tour bus near Lafayette, Louisiana.

2004 – Britney Spears married dancer Kevin Federline.

1983 – The band Kiss appeared without their make-up for the first time, during an interview on MTV.

1970 – Guitar legend Jimi Hendrix, 27, was found dead in his London hotel bed from a drug overdose.

1947 – Ernest Tubb and Roy Acuff performed the first country show ever held at Carnegie Hall in New York City.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 3 out of 4 people have felt guilty about doing THIS at work. What is it?
Taking a break

2. 1 in 5 office workers keep one of THESE in their desk at work. What is it?
A toothbrush

3. 10% of workers say THIS is the #1 reason they would switch jobs. What is it?
A shorter commute

(c) 2023
MORNING SIDEKICK RADIO SHOW PREP & COMEDY
8062 West Massey Circle
Littleton, CO 80128
USA
morningsidekick(at)gmail(dot)(com)
Tel: 303-727-9111