MIDDLE AGE MISERY PEAKS AT AGE 47

A study from Dartmouth College found the exact moment where middle age misery reaches its peak: age 47.2 years old. The economic study used data across 132 countries, including 95 developing and 37 developed nations, to determine the connection to well-being and age. The researchers concluded that every country has a U-shaped “happiness curve,” with the lowest point of happiness at 47.2 years old for developed countries. The parameters for “unhappiness” used in the study include feelings of “despair; anxiety; loneliness; sadness; strain, depression and bad nerves; phobias and panic; being downhearted; having restless sleep; losing confidence in oneself; not being able to overcome difficulties; being under strain; feeling a failure; feeling left out; feeling tense; and thinking of yourself as a worthless person.”
* Oh, and getting a belly that will never, ever go away.
* There are no quotes from the people who did the study. They’re all sitting on the beach, alone, just looking out at the ocean.
* Note: This study does not apply if you are any of these 47-year-olds: Pedro Pascal, Jason Sudeikis, Mayim Bialik, 50 Cent, Charlize Theron, David Harbour, Angelina Jolie, and Johnny Galecki.
* You know the worst thing about middle age, you millennials? They STOP making TV shows for people like you, and then there’s nothing to watch! You’ll see.