Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
MORGAN WALLEN FLIPS A PIANO
Paging Pete Townsend.
TROOPS INVITED TO WHITE HOUSE UFC FIGHT, BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE SKINNY
And not just handsome, but Hegseth-handsome.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
TAKE THE MUPPET TOUR
Wocka wocka.
JASON KELCE COMPLAINS ABOUT LACK OF SUNDAY FOOTBALL
And he would know.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Tuesday through Wednesday
THE ENHANCED GAMES ARE A BUST
I think the promoters were high.
NEW SPOTIFY PROGRAM WILL RESERVE CONCERT TICKETS FOR FANS
It’s “better” for the “consumer.”
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
Man says, “I need to call a doctor.”
His wife says, “Which doctor?”
Guy says, “No, the regular kind.”
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
His grandmother calls to ask how he is. The nburse says, “No change yet”.
What do ghosts wear to the beach?
Sun scream.
Why did the guy quit playing the triangle in the reggae band?
Because it was the same ting over and over.
U.S. NEWS
FASTEST PIZZA MAKER CROWNED
Take that, A.I.
PEOPLE SPOTTED COMING OUT OF NEW YORK SEWERS
We all float down here.
GOOGLE TO RELEASE 32 MILLION MOSQUITOS, MAYBE
No way any of this can go wrong.
ROLLER COASTER RIDER BANNED FROM SIX FLAGS FOR LIFE
Coasters are for screaming, not eating.
FLORIDIANS BLOW UP WHEN GRANDMA LEAVES CAN OF GUNPOWDER NEXT TO GRILL
None more Florida.
AUDIO: THE ORGY DOME NEEDS YOUR HELP
Please give.
WIFE SAYS MARRIAGE IS OVER, HUSBAND WRECKS HOUSE
Homewrecker.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
SCIENTISTS TEACH BRAIN CELLS TO PLAY “DOOM”
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
ROBOT CLOTHES
Dapper droids.
PRISONER ESCAPES POLICE VAN, IS HIT BY TRAIN
Stopped dead in his tracks.
SPEED CLIMBER DOES EVEREST IN UNDER 10 HOURS
Hey – no cuts!
DRUNK DRIVER CLAIMED HE HAD THE “BLOOD OF CHRIST” IN HIS VEINS
Jesus wept, and then rolled his eyes.
ITALY (AND MOST OF EUROPE, ACTUALLY) DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU WATER FOR FREE
“You think water grows on trees over here?”
JAPANESE RESTAURANT OFFERS ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS CHALLENGE
Play Twister for sushi.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Just What You Want To See Before Takeoff
Perfect, Honey. Don’t Move.
Forbidden Love
Cookiefoot
Perfect Place For Bug Killer Display
Well, Crap.
THE BUZZ
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES BURNS CALORIES
According to a video game company.
TOO MANY PEOPLE RUINED IT
No one goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.
AMERICA’S SWEATIEST CITIES
Sweat it out.
THE 50 BEST RESTAURANTS IN NORTH AMERICA
Yes, chef.
MOG
IYKYK
DUMB HEADLINES
Actual headlines. Actual, dumb headlines.
STRANGE CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS
OK, Karen.
LIFE TIPS FROM MOVIES
The best place to get advice.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
SCARY MOVIE 6
Starts Friday, June 5 in theaters.
POWER BALLAD
Starts Friday, June 5 in theaters.
BACKROOMS
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
PRESSURE
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
EAU DE GASOLINE
It doesn’t just smell expensive… it is.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 29.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Zero Zero
Zero is the down payment you pay – and also Al and Mike’s IQ.
BUTLERS NEEDED
Millionaires need YOU.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 22.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Push, Pull, or Lob
Big Al discusses the mechanics of force vectors. Wait – wha?
LAWN LAWYER
Who needs a lawn doctor?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 15.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Service
Which will have a breakdown first – your new car from A & M, or Big Mike?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 8.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
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