MARY KAY & VILI: DIVORCING, BUT NOT SPLITTING UP

There was a story two days ago about notorious former school teacher Mary Kay Letourneau, who in 1996 had an affair with then 14-year-old Vili Fualaau, then went to jail, then married him. The story said that, after years of marriage and two teen daughters, the couple is divorcing. This is true, but not entirely correct: it turns out that they are splitting up so Vili can open a pot shop. Vili filed for a legal separation because he believes it will make it easier for him to get a license to distribute “Cigaweed” marijuana cigarettes. He says that, ,“When you want to get licensed, they do background checks on both parties. I have to be vetted, and so does a spouse. She has a past. She has a history.” Mary Kay is a registered sex offender. But, Vili says, “All the rumors that you hear between us. It’s fine. Of course we are still in love. A piece of paper doesn’t break someone’s feelings!”
* Aw, you two crazy lovebirds. Aw, now look,, ya got me tearin’ up. (sniff)
* Who could have guessed, at the age of 14, that Vili would turn out to be such a good provider?
* And that’s a joke, of course, because getting into the marijuana business, he’s going to make a bundle.
* Just the same, get that post-nup, Mary Kay!