MAN WAKES UP TO DISCOVER HE’S BEEN SACRIFICED TO THE EARTH GODDESS

How’d you sleep last night? At least you didn’t wake up to find out that you were a human sacrifice. Down in Bolivia, they’re holding the annual Mother Earth Festival, where indigenous people offer everything from live animals to sweets and coca leaves to the goddess. One festival-goer, 30-year-old Víctor Alvarez, said he was out with friends dancing, got pretty drunk, and then doesn’t remember anything until he woke up because he needed to go to the bathroom. He couldn’t move. He found himself in a box – like a coffin – with glass. He broke through the glass and dirt and mud began to pour in. He believed he was going to be a human sacrifice, which some people say are still offered in ancient-style rituals to satisfy Pachamama, the goddess of earth and fertility. When Victor, covered in scrapes and dirt and concrete dust, reported his burial to police they refused to believe him – saying he was too drunk to know why he ended up buried alive.
* I’m guessing he managed to relieve himself pretty quickly, given the circumstances.
* Anyway, that’s the story he’s telling his wife when he gets home.
* So remember: if you’re down in Bolivia, and you’re with a group of friends, and you can’t tell which one is going to be the human sacrifice… it’s you.
* On top of everything else, now Pachamama’s ticked off that people are giving her random drunk guys.
* At least he didn’t get thrown into a volcano.
* The same thing used to happen at the Iowa State Fair back in the 70’s.