MAN PROPOSES AT WALMART, GIVES HER GIFT OF STOLEN EDIBLE PANTIES

A Bay City, Michigan, man proposed to his girlfriend at Walmart with shoplifted jewelry. Back on December 30, deputies responded to the Spencer’s Gifts store inside the Bay City Mall for a shoplifting complaint involving a man and a woman. Deputies were able to locate the 20-year-old woman inside the mall holding a pair of gold earrings and a silver necklace with a star pendant. She denied stealing anything from the Spencer’s, and added she was not going to snitch on her 25-year-old fiancé, William J. Cornelius Jr. Deputies found Cornelius in the mall’s food court, apparently having fallen asleep at a table while tying his shoes. They awoke Cornelius and searched him, finding on him a watch, an edible thong, a sex toy, panties, and sex candy from Spencer’s valued at a total of $80.93. Cornelius told deputies he stole the items for his fiancée, having just proposed to her at Walmart. Deputies went to Walmart where staff told them Cornelius had asked a customer service worker to read a proposal note over the public address system, asking his girlfriend to marry him. Surveillance camera footage captured the event, with Cornelius and his new fiancée hugging and kissing as people stand around them and applaud. Cornelius had purchased an engagement ring at Walmart for $29.62. However, surveillance footage also captured the woman slipping items into her purse. The couple spent New Year’s Eve in prison.
* Were they at least in the same cell?
* Isn’t this the plot of an independent romantic comedy film starring Jared Leto and Rooney Mara?
* From Walmart, to Spencer’s Gifts, and then they were headed for their first engagement meal at White Castle.
* And who knows, maybe a rockin’ night at the Motel 6.
* Just wait’ll Valentine’s Day with these two. Merchants, hang on to your stock!
* “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m stuck in the jail, but I’m thinking of you.”
* A gift of edible panties? And they say romance is dead.
* Didn’t Elizabeth Barrett Browning have a sonnet about this?
* Sure, “How do I love thee … let me count the charges …”
* “I love thee to the depth and breath and height of my soul, basically anything my thieving hands can steal.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What did your guy give to you that he thought would be romantic, but wasn’t?