MAN IN COW COSTUME ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED STABBING

He says, “So, do I come here often?”

The bartender says,, “What makes you say that?” Guy says, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. She was so thrilled to have me around, that every time the mailman or a delivery man came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

Because he really wanted to be a Smartie.

He had some Twix up his sleeve.

He husband says, “Can we change the subject?” Wife says, “Alright. More chores around the house need to be done by you.”