MAN ASSAULTS GIRLFRIEND OVER WRONG TOILET PAPER

A Muncie, Indiana, man allegedly threw his girlfriend to the ground during an argument over toilet paper. The victim told cops that Bryan Alwine, 27, was angry because she not purchased the right brand of toilet paper. Officers responding to a 911 call last Sunday night noted that the woman, who appeared “very frightened and nervous,” had a bloody elbow and a scratched knee. Alwine, pictured above, was arrested for felony domestic battery.
* He’s a real Prince Charmin’.
* I hope you like the toilet paper in prison, you bastard.
* Actually, I don’t. I hope you hate the toilet paper in prison.
* For his girlfriend, this is all part of realizing that he’s not “the one.”
* At least you hope she gets it and moves on.