MAN ARRESTED FOR GROPING THE EASTER BUNNY – Mar 30

A 36-year-old was arrested near Pittsburgh for groping the Easter Bunny at the South Hills Village Mall. According to the criminal complaint, a woman working as the Easter Bunny was taking pictures with children and families when a man approached her and began to ask her questions, which she passed along to her assistant. The man began touching the Easter Bunny’s arm, then the top of her chest, and then grabbed her breasts. According to the Bunny’s assistant, prior to the alleged assault, he was asking “Is it a boy or a girl?” Police later found the suspect in the AMC movie theater next to the mall, asleep in one of the theaters. (* They must have been showing “Avatar: Fire and Ash.”) After being read his Miranda Rights, he asked the police, “It’s a doll, right?”
* No, it’s a walking, talking Tesla Optimus robot. Moron.
* His next question was, “Well, then where IS the furry convention?”
* And how about his question whether the Easter Bunny is a boy or a girl? Or are they non-binary? Everything’s so complicated these days.
* Assaulting the Easter bunny is gonna put you right on Santa’s naughty list.
* Obviously, he was hopped up on something.