LACTOSE INTOLERANT MAN'S RANT AGAINST STARBUCKS SCREWUP

A lactose-intolerant New York man’s rant over a screwed-up Starbucks order has gone viral. Demit Strato said in a Facebook post Monday he stopped into Starbucks for a venti iced coffee with soy milk, and his day took a turn for the worse when he discovered the baristas had instead put dairy milk into his beverage. Here is what Mr. Strato posted on Starbucks’ official Facebook page:
“This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffe with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used. I’ve pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don’t order soy mill because I’m bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn’t blast fire for 4 hours. I’m not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant. P.S. I’m writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET.”
Mr. Strato said that botched coffee orders have led to excessive bathroom time more times than he can count. He did say the post going viral was an “awesome surprise,” and also, “You’d be really surprised by how many women are trying to go out on a date after this, too.”
* I wouldn’t be surprised if the number of women were ‘none’.
* A man who would rather spend all day on the toilet than carry around his own small container of soy milk. Who wouldn’t want to date that?
* I never understood what “lactose intolerant” was all about, so thanks for sharing, Demit Strato.
* Time for Demit to buy a bidet.
* By the way, a Charmander is a Pokemon character, a lizard with its tail on fire. (We had to look it up, too.)
* Is it called a Charmander because it uses a lot of Charmin?