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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
TAKE THE MUPPET TOUR
Wocka wocka.
JASON KELCE COMPLAINS ABOUT LACK OF SUNDAY FOOTBALL
And he would know.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Tuesday through Wednesday
THE ENHANCED GAMES ARE A BUST
I think the promoters were high.
NEW SPOTIFY PROGRAM WILL RESERVE CONCERT TICKETS FOR FANS
It’s “better” for the “consumer.”
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
ERIC CHURCH GIVES AWESOME COMMENCEMENT SPEECH
Brought to you by Gibson guitars: “Only a Gibson is Good Enough.” Gibson.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
His grandmother calls to ask how he is. The nburse says, “No change yet”.
What do ghosts wear to the beach?
Sun scream.
Why did the guy quit playing the triangle in the reggae band?
Because it was the same ting over and over.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
Hi, mom!
Guy goes to a psychiatrist.
He says, “I had a weird dream this morning. I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. It was so weird that I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I got up, made myself a slice of toast and came straight here. Can you tell me the meaning of my dream?” The psychiatrist says, “One slice of toast? You call that a breakfast?”
U.S. NEWS
FLORIDIANS BLOW UP WHEN GRANDMA LEAVES CAN OF GUNPOWDER NEXT TO GRILL
None more Florida.
AUDIO: THE ORGY DOME NEEDS YOUR HELP
Please give.
WIFE SAYS MARRIAGE IS OVER, HUSBAND WRECKS HOUSE
Homewrecker.
TRUCK FULL OF KIT KAT BARS OVERTURNS
Driver was a real Dum Dum.
CLIMBER RESCUED FROM 16,000 POUND BOULDER
Rock rolled.
AQUARIUM CLOSURE SENDS MERMAID WALKING
Iowa hates mermaids.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
PRISONER ESCAPES POLICE VAN, IS HIT BY TRAIN
Stopped dead in his tracks.
SPEED CLIMBER DOES EVEREST IN UNDER 10 HOURS
Hey – no cuts!
DRUNK DRIVER CLAIMED HE HAD THE “BLOOD OF CHRIST” IN HIS VEINS
Jesus wept, and then rolled his eyes.
ITALY (AND MOST OF EUROPE, ACTUALLY) DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU WATER FOR FREE
“You think water grows on trees over here?”
AUDIO: 7-ELEVEN CEO DIES
Inconvenience.
PLANE RUNS INTO PARAGLIDER
Well, chute.
RECORD NUMBER OF CLIMBERS ON MT EVEREST IN ONE DAY: 274
Be sure to stop by the gift shop on the way down.
SEAGULL POOPS ON KING CHARLES
Disproving the Theory of Kings in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Perfect Place For Bug Killer Display
Well, Crap.
Sometimes You Just Gotta Rest Your Ass
Death By Seagull
It’s A Trap!
Maybe You Shouldn’t Have Parked There
THE BUZZ
MOG
IYKYK
DUMB HEADLINES
Actual headlines. Actual, dumb headlines.
STRANGE CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS
OK, Karen.
LIFE TIPS FROM MOVIES
The best place to get advice.
THE COOL RANKINGS
Compiled by Joe Camel.
DUMB HEADLINES
Actual headlines! Actual dumbness!
BEST PLACE TO LIVE THIS YEAR: CARMEL, INDIANA
I’d walk a mile for a Carmel.
WACKY THINGS DOCTORS HAVE SAID
Not what the doctor ordered.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
BACKROOMS
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
PRESSURE
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
THE BREADWINNER
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
TUNER
Starts Friday, May 29 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 29.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Zero Zero
Zero is the down payment you pay – and also Al and Mike’s IQ.
BUTLERS NEEDED
Millionaires need YOU.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 22.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Push, Pull, or Lob
Big Al discusses the mechanics of force vectors. Wait – wha?
LAWN LAWYER
Who needs a lawn doctor?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 15.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Service
Which will have a breakdown first – your new car from A & M, or Big Mike?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 8.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green
Big Al and Big Mike … who’s the bigger putz?
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