Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
JOHN TRAVOLTA GETS ANOTHER PILOT’S LICENSE
With Travolta on the stick, you’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
ACTOR AWARD WINNERS
Some you know, some you don’t.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
TIMES SQUARE NAKED COWBOY, COWGIRL GETTING DIVORCED
Give me some space, cowboy.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
BROADWAY CANCELED SECOND NIGHT OF PERFORMANCES DUE TO BLIZZARD
“How do I get to Broadway?” “Practice, and a dogsled.”
TOM HANKS FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY ABE LINCOLN
Coming to a theater near you in four score months.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What’s grey?
A melted penguin.
A cabbie picks up a nun.
After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.”
The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”
What do you can a man with no shins?
Toe-knee.
When is the best time to buy a bird?
When it’s going cheep.
What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they are funny, and non-lawyers don’t think they are jokes.
U.S. NEWS
AUDIO: NEWS ANCHOR & WEATHERMAN ARGUE ON-AIR
Breaking news…your face!
INDIANA DOCTOR HAS LICENSE SUSPENDED FOR MISCONDUCT. AND HOW.
It’s okay, I’m a doctor.
MAN RESCUED AFTER DAYS IN MUD PIT
That sinking feeling.
THE ALPINE DIVORCE
But officer, I thought she was right behind me.
BURGER KING INSTALLS NEW AI SYSTEM FOR EMPLOYEES
You forgot to say thank you [zzzzzap!]
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
LASER MOSQUITO KILLER
The Mosquitonator.
LOUVRE DIRECTOR RESIGNS AFTER OCTOBER HEIST
She is louvreing.
SEAGULL HIT BY SOCCER BALL, PLAYER SAVES THE DAY
The bird was not a dead duck.
NORWEGIAN CRUISE LINE TIGHTENS DRESS CODE
Ah wahnna ate mah roast bheef in mah gym showurts.
RICHARD III HITS AUDIENCE MEMBER WITH A SWORD
Was ever woman in this humour wooed?
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Fancy Frog
This Is The Best Movie
Road Crew In A Hurry
Just Put It On My Bill
Cloud Cap
Alien, Hot Dog Version
THE BUZZ
WOMEN SPEND $1,600/YEAR ON HEALTH & BEAUTY
That’s all?
STUDY: MORE CAR ACCIDENTS WHEN NEW MUSIC IS RELEASED
That new track kills.
I’M DATING AN IDIOT
The one that got away.
A ONE IN A MILLION SHOT
It could happen.
THE MOST ANNOYING CAR PASSENGER HABITS
Don’t touch the buttons.
BORING CAREERS THAT PAY
Are you looking for a career change? Now you can!
DUMB HEADLINES
These are actual headlines. Have your listeners vote for the dumbest.
THE MOST LYINGEST STATE
Beware Nevada.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE BRIDE
Starts Friday, March 6 in theaters.
HOPPERS
Starts Friday, March 6 in theaters.
SCREAM 7
Starts Friday, February 27 in theaters.
EPiC: ELVIS PRESLEY IN CONCERT
Starts Friday, February 27 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – EZLease
Sorry, but with Al and Mike, nothing is ever easy.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, Fedbruary 27.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
MAIL SNOW
A simple plan.
A & M AUTOLAND – Day Two
It’s Day Two of A&M’s Big Sale starting next week!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, February 20.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #11 – SNOWBOARD CROSS (for 2/20)
For Friday, February 20.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
OLYMPIC UPDATE #10 – SPEED SKATING (for 2/19)
For Thursday, February 19.
A & M AUTOLAND – Voice Mail
Big Al never quite gets the message.
OLYMPIC CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION
So you didn’t win a medal.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #9 – ICE HOCKEY (for 2/18)
For Wednesday, February 18.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #8 – ATHLETE VILLAGE (for 2/17)
For Tuesday, February 17.
OLYMPIC SPECIMEN CUP
Official sponsor of the Olympic Games.
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