Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
MEN: COMPLIMENT YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU GO ON “WHEEL OF FORTUNE”
__ R __ L S __.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
MADONNA’S CLOTHES STOLEN. OR SOMETHING.
Now what will she wear???
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JURY FINDS LIVE NATION A MONOPOLY
It took six weeks to figure that out?
NICOLE KIDMAN, DEATH DOULA
Angel of mercy.
SID KROFFT, CREATOR OF H.R. PUFNSTUF, DIES
Can’t do a little ’cause he can’t do enough.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite whiskey?
Hop scotch.
Guy’s in court, accused of killing an endangered whooping crane.
The guy argues that he thought it was a common Sandhill crane — not endangered. The judge understood and dismissed the case. As the guy’s leaving the courtroom, the judge says, “By the way, what did the whooping crane taste like?” Guy says, “It tastes like bald eagle.”
What’s the angriest nut?
Pissed-achio
What did the waffle say at the end of breakfast?
Should I stay or should Eggo?
Two rednecks pull into a lumberyard.
One goes in and asks a clerk for some four-by-twos. “You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks. The redneck says, “I’ll go check.” He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later. “Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk. “All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?” “Just a minute,” says the redneck,” and heads back out to the car. A minute later he comes back and tells the clerk. “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”
U.S. NEWS
AIR TAXI TESTING IN NEW YORK CITY
Still no jetpacks! Grrr!
DISNEYLAND LAUNCHES FACE-SCAN ENTRY
The happiest place on Earth, citizen.
AUDIO: BEEKEEPER FAILS TO SAVE THE DAY
And she bee all, like, “Oh, honey…”
AUDIO: WOMAN TOSSED A STICK OF DYNAMITE AT BOYFRIEND
Look out, she’s gonna blow!
SCHOOL BUS DRIVER PASSES OUT; KIDS SAVE THE DAY
Heroes by the busload.
NUDE DRAWING CLASSES GAINING POPULARITY IN BARS
What do you say to a naked martini?
TEACHER BEATS UP STUDENT FOR CALLING HIM “BRUH”
To Bruh, With Love.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
COBRA IN PANTS LEADS TO TOURIST DEATH
Yeah, go ahead, I guess. Put the cobra up my pants.
NEW TEST TELLS IF YOU’RE GOING TO DIE REALLY, REALLY SOON
Don’t worry, it’s not an essay test.
AUDIO: IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NATURIST AND NATURALIST
Dress for the weather.
CONDOM SHORTAGE DUE TO IRAN WAR DISRUPTIONS
Things are hard all over, I guess.
FARMER TO BREED UGLIER COWS
Don’t have a cow, man.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Hold Me, Like You Did By The Lake On Naboo
NASA Costume Parties
How To Mess With Kids
Mommy, Look At Me! Look! Mommy, Look!
Shopping At The Big & Tall Store
Aghh! The Wave Is Gonna Get Me! Aghhhh!
THE BUZZ
SHOCKING STUDY: MEN EAT MEAT TO FEEL MANLY
blah…blah… blah… environmental sustainability.
THIS TRADITION ENDS NOW
Cue the “Fiddler on the Roof” soundtrack.
REMEMBER YOUR VACATION BETTER BY DRAWING IT
Sketchy advice.
MEN: WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT? DON’T EAT WITH WOMEN
Men are pigs – in more ways than one.
SUMMERS ARE MORE STRESSFUL THAN WINTERS
Fear of being seen in a bathing suit?
THE GREAT PRETENDER
Just wanted to get laid.
HOW TO GET KIDS TO EAT MORE VEGETABLES
Money is not involved.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA 2
Starts Friday, May 1 in theaters.
HOKUM
Starts Friday, August 1 in theaters.
ANIMAL FARM
Starts Friday, May 1 in theaters.
DEEP WATER
Starts Friday, May 1 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Save 112 Percent
Ordinarily, Al and Mike can’t even pay people to take their cars – but during this sale, they will!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 24.
RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON
One or our classics.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S WEDDING ALBUM
Here comes the groom!
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S FACE MELT
Tito, get me a towel.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON: THE WHITE ALBUM
Michael sings the whites.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Iron
Big Al’s latest promotion isn’t so hot, and Big Mike gets steamed.
PROM: WHISTLE STOP
It’s not hard to have a nice lawn.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 17.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Beat It
If you find a deal and Big Al can’t beat it, Big Mike will beat Al.
SONG – WORK ON MY TAXES ALL DAY
Wht are YOU doing this weekend?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 10.
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