GYM TEACHER THREATENED TO KILL ALL THE KIDS

An Arlington, Washington, elementary school P.E. teacher is in jail after police say he made a comment to a colleague about murdering everyone in the building. Andrew Medley is being held for investigation of felony harassment. According to court papers, last Thursday Medley appeared agitated and told a colleague “I am going to murder everyone in the building. Scratch that, I’m going to murder everyone’s children in the building and make them watch.” In court, Medley’s defense attorney suggested the teacher was distressed from going through a divorce and didn’t mean what he said. Medley denied to police that he made statements about killing or harming anyone. Court documents say “Medley stated he had told a coworker that he wishes they have a ‘slow and painful death’ but never stated that he would kill them.”
* Your honor, we ask that you find the defendant guilty of stating the obvious.
* How do you kill everyone’s children and make them watch? Schedule a special Parents Night?
* Killing all the kids wasn’t a threat, it was that day’s Phys Ed activity. He was going to make all those out-of-shape muffins run a mile.
* Which also explains the “slow and painful death” part.
* Speaking of slow and painful deaths, is “Pitch Perfect 3” still in theaters? (Or “Daddy’s Home 2”.)