GUY TRYING TO EAT HIS WAY OUT OF PRISON

Lamont Cathey is trying to eat his way out of prison. Cathey was arrested over a year ago for breaking into a pizzeria and stealing an undisclosed amount of money. Despite the low level nature of the crime, a plea deal fell through which left the despondent young man in jail. Then something snapped and he started eating everything in sight. Cathey has eaten parts of his bed, a prison camera and even medical equipment. He’s eaten screws, metals, pins and the leather from restraints. “He’s literally eating the jail,” says Cara Smith, the jail’s executive director. He has made over 24 trips to hospital in 16 months and has eaten so much metal, doctors are unable to tell which pieces of prison property were most recently ingested. Authorities say they have spent over $1.3 million on healthcare cost for the 18-year-old.
* I knew prison food was bad but this is ridiculous.
* Have they tried putting him in one of those Hannibal Lector masks?
* How about a dog cone?
* There’s only one thing to do. Put him in a cell made entirely of brussel sprouts.
* A low level crime? Try telling the pizzeria owner that it was a low level crime.
* Uh oh. He’s already eaten Cellblock C and he’s working his way through the alphabet.
* Has anyone seen his cellmate?
* I don’t know if he’s getting enough vitamins but we know he’s getting plenty of iron.