GUY TRIES TO SUBMIT MOUNTAIN DEW FOR URINE TEST

A Panama City, Florida, man was caught trying to provide a fraudulent urine sample for a court-mandated drug test. The 39-year-old, in court for a pretrial hearing on charges of trafficking in amphetamine, possession of hydrocodone, operating a chop shop and other charges, had taken a small radiator hose from his truck and filled it with liquid from a hot Mountain Dew in the truck’s glove box after he learned he was going to be required to provide a urine sample before going into court last Thursday. He spilled most of the liquid on his pants. When the arresting deputy asked him his first name, the man identified himself as “Dumb Ass”. Asked if he’d just responded with “Dumb Ass,” the man answered, “Well I am, ain’t I?”
* Yes, you am.
* Frankly, I’m shocked he didn’t get away with passing off Mountain Dew as urine.
* It’s kind of urine-colored, if you ate asparagus the night before.
* At least it wasn’t a Diet Coke.
* “If this is the color of your urine, we need to get you to an emergency room.”
* He keeps Mountain Dew in the glove compartment to get warm ’cause it’s so tasty that way.
* He should have gone with cheap beer.
* I mean some of that stuff really is piss.
* I think they should put in one nice thing about the man just to break it up.
* “He’s charged with trafficking amphetamines, possession of hydrocodone, and running a chop shop, but he did watch his neighbor’s house for her while she was away.”
* Panama City, Florida, huh? No surprise there. When it comes to the wacky news, I’ll take Florida and you can have the rest of the field.