Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JEOPARDY! LET’S RUN IT INTO THE GROUND!
I’ll take Oversaturation for a thousand, Ken.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
STEPHEN COLBERT TO WRITE A LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE
One does not simply write his way into Mordor.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
AUDIO: MR. ROGERS CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE
It’s a beautiful day.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Jetliner is taxiing out to the runway, suddenly it turns around back to the gate.
They sit at the gate for two hours, then they finally take off. A passenger asks the attendant, “What was the problem?
Attendant says, “The pilot was bothered by a strange noise in the engine, and it took two hours to find a different pilot.”
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
What do you call a Target store that’s burned to the ground?
Kohl’s
What did one scarecrow say to another scarecrow?
Hey man.
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
U.S. NEWS
WHEN FRYING PANS ATTACK
“What’s for dinner?” “Duck!”
INMATE ASKS JUDGE FOR MORE PRISON TIME
Glutton for punishment.
ARTEMIS 2: PROBLEMS WITH THE TOILET
It’s not rocket science.
HERSHEY TO GO BACK TO CORRECT REESE’S CUP RECIPE
No skimping!
THE LOOFAH CODE OF THE VILLAGES
As believable as The DaVinci Code.
ELEPHANT BREAKS OUT OF PEN, GOES FOR A WALK AROUND THE ZOO
Until her walk was truncated.
KING CHARLES IS COMING TO AMERICA
It’s good to be the king.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
THIEVES STEALING OUTHOUSES IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
We’re not privy to the details.
WORLD’S OLDEST CRITTER DIES AT 193
At least this year we eat.
32 ARRESTED IN MOUNT EVEREST SCAM
Peak fraud.
GAMBLING SITE MAKES ERROR, ASKS FOR ITS MONEY BACK
No, see, you didn’t REALLY win. It’s kind of a funny story…
STUPID WHALE GETS STUCK AGAIN
Look at me! Look at me!
SCOTTISH SUPERMARKET MISTAKENLY ORDERS 38,000 POUNDS OF BANANAS
“Hello, I’d like to order 2,000 monkeys?”
THIEVES STEAL PAINTINGS BY ARTISTS YOU’VE HEARD OF
Fish, fruit and a fiddler.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Ready For Liftoff
This Is A Drawing
Meat Socks
Glamour Shot
Kiwi – 2 For A Dollar
Ta-Daa!
THE BUZZ
MY WEIRD RULE
People are strange.
DUMB HEADLINES
Read. Discuss. Have listeners vote for the dumbest.
BAD ONE-NIGHT STANDS
I prefer two-night stands. One for the lamp, and one for the clock radio.
DOGS ARE BORN WITH “HUMAN-LIKE” SOCIAL SKILLS
“Pass the puppy chow, if you would be so kind.”
PROUD OF THE LITTLE THINGS
Good for you.
CHRIST, WE’RE OLD
I… I don’t think I can go on.
OUTRAGEOUS BALLPARK FOOD
Step up to the plate.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE SUPER MARIO GALAXY MOVIE
Starts Friday, April 3 in theaters.
THE DRAMA
Starts Friday, April 3 in theaters.
THEY WILL KILL YOU
Starts Friday, March 27 in theaters.
FORBIDDEN FRUITS
Starts Friday, March 27 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 3.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – April Fools
Al and Mike are fools no matter what month it is.
ONE MINUTE OPTICAL
Why wait a whole hour for glasses?
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Dollar Days
Big Al’s calling his sale Dollar Days, even though he has no cents.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 20.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
SONG: MY FAVORITE SPRING BREAK
These are what kids do on break in the spring.
A & M AUTOLAND – Suggestion Box
Big Al and Big Mike are asking for feedback – and boy are they going to get it.
SONG: WHEN YOU’RE IRISH IN A BAR
‘Tis a song for the day, boyo.
JACK 0’LANTERNS
We overstocked at Halloween.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 13.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
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