FRIDAY, Sept 29 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, September 29, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL BISCOTTI DAY

NATIONAL COFFEE DAY

NATIONAL VFW DAY
The National Day Calendar says this:
“National VFW Day is observed annually on September 29, honoring the men and women devoted to this valuable organization and those members who have served our nation. Members of the Veterans of Foreign Wars today hold a long-standing history of volunteerism in their communities. Not only have they served their country, but they continue to serve their fellow veterans, families, and communities by sponsoring scholarships, career fairs, mental wellness campaigns, and so many more excellent services. VFW membership since its inception has been instrumental in the establishment of the Veterans Administration, the creation of the national cemetery system and passage of the GI Bill. Through the VFW, veterans honor veterans and serve their communities. On National VFW Day, take a moment to recognize all the VFW does in your community.”

WORLD HEART DAY
The World Heart Federation website says this:
“World Heart Day on 29 September is the World Heart Federation’s (and the world’s!) biggest platform for raising awareness about cardiovascular disease (CVD).”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

THE BUZZSTRANGE THINGS A DOCTOR HAS SAID TO YOU

Reddit asked, “What’s the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?” Some of the responses:
– “My endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked, ‘Are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical?'”
– “’If you don’t mind, I’d like to show everyone pictures of your tonsils.’ Apparently, I had the most disgusting tonsils she had ever seen.”
– “I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse.”
– “In for back pain, I’m not young. Doctor just said, ‘Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.’ I say, ‘So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90 year old?’ He says, ‘Ha, you’re not going to see 90. How many tall old people have you ever seen?’”
– “I was getting an EKG, sitting there with my full breasts out, and the doctor tells me i remind him of a girl he used to see in college.”
– “I had a medical professional say, ‘I used to be a heroin addict, so i’m pretty good at this’ as she was putting in my IV. I laughed so hard.”
– “We’re going to have to remove your testicles….just kidding, you should’ve seen your face.”
– “As I left the ER for a severed finger, a medical professional said to me, ‘Oh wow they saved it? We were for sure you were going to lose it. We even placed bets!”
– “I asked my cardiologist what the goop was they put on my chest before an echoegram. He said, ‘Yak snot.'”
– “As my wife was delivering our first baby, doctor said, ‘You’re killing it!.’ Wife stopped pushing and freaked out for a sec, until he said, ‘You’re doing a great job.'”
– “Said that I have one of the most ‘ideal’ navels and could even feature on a magazine.”
– “As she was doing a pelvic exam she told me about her Scandinavian folk singing group.”
* Dear god, I hope she didn’t yodel up the canyon.
* How about “I reserved 40 minutes for your appointment, but it only took 20. I’ll just charge you half.”
* There’s a reason doctors don’t want office visits recorded.
* Sometimes laughter isn’t the best medicine. Medicine is the best medicine, so shut up.
* PHONE TOPIC: Have you had a medical professional say something unusual to you?

U.S. NEWS

TEXAS FAMILY ATTACKED BY HORNY PIG

A Kingsland, Texas family says that they were terrorized by a “very large” pig this week. Wendy Goldstein says the black-and-white, 300-pound pig had somehow entered the house after attacking her daughter outside. One of her kids called 911 and said, “My grandma’s being attacked by a random pig. Now my grandpa’s being attacked.” Goldstein said her mom tried to lay on top of it to hold it down, but the pig overpowered her and got on top of her. Said Goldstein, “He had her flattened like an accordion.” The owner of the pig soon came searching for the animal, threatening to shoot the Goldsteins if they harmed it. Animal control officials arrived and drove the pig away with a nonlethal pepperball, but the pig came back again Tuesday. The Goldsteins managed to keep it out of the house. By Wednesday, the pig was returned to its owner and placed in a secure pen. Deputy Brad Evans described the incident is softer terms, “The pig was not trying to attack anyone. It began acting like a dog will sometimes do on a person’s leg. It wasn’t being aggressive in a way that it was trying to hurt anyone.”
* Just the same, no one likes being porked by a pig.
* Pig sounds like an attention hog.
* Was it attracted by cooked bacon?
* And did they ever get grandma out of the shape of an accordion?
* A pig terrorizing the Goldstein family! That’s not kosher!

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ALLIGATOR DENIED ENTRY INTO PHILLIES GAME

In a move that is totally unfair, a Philadelphia Phillies fan was told he couldn’t bring his emotional support animal into the stadium. The emotional support animal is an alligator. Joie Henney, of Jonestown, attempted to bring his pet, named WallyGator, to watch Philadelphia host Pittsburgh. Social media posts showed the gator on a leash with a harness outside the stadium Wednesday. Henney claims WallyGator helps him battle depression and that “he likes to give hugs.” Henney said the gator had never bitten anyone.
* No bites, he just swallows them whole.
* It’s great for battling depression ’cause when every day ends and you’re still alive, you’re happy.
* Now the alligator’s depressed.
* You know what the Phillies told this guy, right? “See ya later, alligator.”
* What a croc!

HEFTY TRASH BAGS STOLEN

On Sunday in East Union Township, Pennsylvania, thieves stole a tractor-trailer containing a shipment of 42-gallon Hefty contractor trash bags. Police say the truck contained eight pallets of garbage bags worth $10,000. They later abandoned the semi but loaded the Hefty bags into a different truck.
* I’d be looking for a suspect who has to rake a lot of leaves. A LOT of leaves.
* Any stadiums nearby with lots of trash cans?
* They’re probably being used to clean up that mess from Burning Man a couple weeks ago.
* If they catch ’em, they can expect a hefty fine.

DEER FALLS FROM SKY ONTO CAR

A driver suffered minor injuries when a deer fell from an overpass and crashed through his windshield in New Jersey. It happened Wednesday on Route 21 in Clifton, New Jersey. The deer crashed through the windshield and into the driver’s lap. The surprise caused the driver to hit a concrete barrier and crash into another vehicle. The deer did not survive. The driver was taken to the hospital for treatment of minor injuries.
* …and deer tick removal.
* “A deer through my windshield! D’oh!”
* Never quite got the hang of hitchhiking.
* It’s raining deer. Rein-deer, so to speak. Sorry.
* At least, tonight, we eat.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

80 SMALL OBJECTS RETRIEVED FROM INDIAN MAN’S STOMACH

Kuldeep Singh, a 35-year-old man from Punjab, India, had been suffering from stomach pains and a high fever for two years. He finally went to a doctor, who discovered he had swallowed dozens of small items – at least 80 – including buttons, earphones, lockets, chains, nuts, bolts, washers, nails, zipper pulls, safety pins, marbles, coins, string and many more inedible objects. Doctors diagnosed him with Pica, a mental health condition where the sufferer “compulsively swallows items that aren’t food.” Surgeons performed a three-hour operation to remove the objects from Singh’s stomach.
* Now THAT’S a junk diet.
* “Nurse, where are those forceps I asked for?” “Sorry, Doctor, they were here a second ago…”
* Maybe he just needs glasses?
* The guys sees a label that says “May cause choking hazard” and thinks: ” Oh, boy – buffet!”
* There goes his job as Chief Tester at the metal detector factory.

TRENDING

BRITNEY SPEARS’ SABRE DANCE

Britney Spears? OK, Britney Spears. Police did a welfare check on Britney Spears Wednesday after the pop star shared a video of herself dancing around with knives. Spears filmed herself doing her twirly walk-dancing around her Southern California home holding two large knives. Oh, yeah – she was wearing a crop top and bikini bottoms. The Instagram video prompted concern, and the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department conducted a welfare check. It was determined that Spears was not in any danger physically or emotionally, and officials felt comfortable enough to clear the call without incident.

GUITARIST AL DI MEOLA HAS HEART ATTACK ON STAGE

Jazz guitarist Al Di Meola suffered a heart attack on stage during a performance in Romania. He is currently in a stable condition and receiving treatment, a hospital spokesperson said on Thursday. Di Meola, 69, began playing a concert in Bucharest on Wednesday night when he grabbed his chest during the performance and then struggled to walk off stage. The other two members of Di Meola’s trio continued to play for several minutes until they announced the show would be cut short. He was admitted to a hosp[ital cardiology ward where he is being treated for a segment elevation myocardial infarction.

STATES WITH THE HIGHEST STD RATES

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention , here are the Ten States With The Highest Rates Of Sexually Transmitted Disease (chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea):
1. Mississippi – 1,266 per 100,000 people
2. Louisiana – 1,159 per 100,000 people
3. Alaska – 1,091 per 100,000 people
4. South Carolina – 1,052 per 100,000 people
5. South Dakota – 1,009 per 100,000 people
6. Alabama – 989 per 100,000 people
7. Georgia – 987 per 100,000 people
8. Arkansas – per 100,000 people
9. New Mexico – 925 per 100,000 people
10. North Carolina – 922 per per 100,000 people
* The states with the lowest rates? Ohhhh, no — you’re on your own for that information.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween
Nov. 5, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Ends, turn clocks back 1 hour
Nov. 11, Saturday – Veterans Day
Nov. 23, Thursday – Thanksgiving

BIRTHDAYS

Chrissy Metz (actress, “This Is Us”) … 43
Zachary Levi (actor, “Shazam!,” “Heroes Reborn,” “Chuck”) … 43
Andrew “Dice” Clay (filthy comic, actor) … 66
Bryant Gumbel (TV journalist and/or host) … 75
Ian McShane (actor, “John Wick” movies, “American Gods,” “Game of Thrones,” “American Horror Story”) … 81

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“It’s not that I dislike many people. It’s just that I don’t like many people.”

(A) Dr. Phil
(B) Simon Cowell
(C) Bryant Gumbel

ANSWER: (C) Bryant Gumbel

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1994 – The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyists buying meals and entertainment for members of Congress.
* Cash is so much more efficient.

1990 – “Millie’s Book” by First Lady Barbara Bush, featuring her dog, was the best-selling non-fiction book in the U.S.
* Imagine if she had made the dog a WIZARD!

1982 – Seven people in the Chicago area died after unwittingly taking Extra-Strength Tylenol capsules laced with cyanide. The event led to a revolution in the way many consumer products are now packaged with anti-tampering seals.
* So every time you break a nail on a product seal, you can thank that sociopathic maniac in Chicago.

1789 – The U.S. War Department established a regular army of several hundred men.
* Several HUNDRED? Oh, we were just getting started!

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2015 – The original contract signed by The Beatles and manager Brian Epstein sold at auction at Sotheby’s for $548.000. The 1962 document was said to be one of the most important contracts in popular music, marking the beginning of the band’s journey to international fame.

2007 – Rapper 50 Cent was beaten by rival rap star Kanye West in the stand-off to claim the best-selling album in the U.S. West’s “Graduation” sold 957,000 copies in its first week of sales while 50 Cent’s album “Curtis” only sold 691,000. Before the albums went on sale 50 Cent vowed he would retire from making solo albums if he was outsold by West.

2004 – Keith Moon’s five-piece drum kit, custom-made for The Who drummer in 1968, sold for $215,772 in London to an American collector, setting a world auction record for a set of drums.

2004 – Britain’s “The Sun” tabloid reported that Michael Jackson had a secret fourth child who was then 19. The story claimed that Norwegian Omar Bhatti was born after a one night stand and had stayed with Jackson at his Neverland home in California.

2002 – U.S. American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “A Moment Like This.”

1997 – Bobby Sheehan of Blues Traveler was arrested for cocaine possession in Winnipeg. He was later released on $5,000 bond.

1994 – The Pointer Sisters received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the first African-American female music group to receive the honor.

1989 – While traveling on his motorbike from Los Angeles, Bruce Springsteen stopped in at Matt’s Saloon in Prescott, Arizona, and jammed with the house band for an hour. He overheard a woman talking about financial problems concerning her medical bills. A week later she received a check for $100,000.

1976 – Enjoying his own birthday celebrations, singer Jerry Lee Lewis accidentally shot his bass player Norman Owens in the chest. Lewis had been blasting holes in an office door. Owens survived but sued his boss.

1976 – Boy George was expelled from school.

1967 – The Governor of Tennessee declared “Elvis Presley Day.”

1963 – The Rolling Stones began their first British tour, opening for the Everly Brothers and Bo Diddley at the New Victoria Theatre in London.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 69% of couples say doing THIS shows that you don’t trust your partner. What is it?
Not allowing them to drive your car

2. 26% of women say THIS is the thing they dislike the most about sleeping with their partner. What is it?
He sweats in bed

3. 40% of men wish their wife would do THIS, but would never ask them to. What is it?
Clean their hair out of the shower drain

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