FRIDAY, July 21 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, July 21, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

MONKEY DAY
The FreePublic website says this:
“(On July 21, 1925,) in Dayton, Tennessee, the so-called ‘Monkey Trial’ ended with John Thomas Scopes being convicted of teaching evolution in violation of Tennessee law. Scopes was ordered to pay a fine of $100, the minimum the law allowed.” The conviction was later overturned.

NATIONAL JUNK FOOD DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“For some of us, every day is Junk Food Day. For the rest of us, National Junk Food Day is an opportunity to guiltlessly eat your favorite junk food. Dietitians will tell you that junk food is any food that contains little nutritional value. We also include foods that are high in salts, fats, and sugars. In other words, junk food is all that tasty stuff that the dietitians, and Mom, say is bad for us. On Junk Food Day, you get to eat anything you want. Eat any amounts that you want, too. Tomorrow, however, it’s back to a healthy diet. Please Note: Junk food may be hazardous to your health. After all, mom knows what’s best for you. Do so at your own risk. That risk includes Mom saying: ‘I told you so!'”

July is:

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month
Air Conditioning Appreciation Month
Baked Bean Month
Cell Phone Courtesy Month
Family Reunion Month
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month
National Anti-Boredom Month
National Blueberries Month
National Grilling Month
National Hot Dog Month
National Ice Cream Month
Melon Month
Wild About Wildlife Month

THE BUZZTHE BROKEST THING I’VE EVER DONE

Reddit asked. “What’s the brokest thing you’ve ever done?” Some of the responses:
– “I searched every couch cushion and coat pocket in the hopes that I could find enough change for bus fare. I ended up finding a ton of pennies, so I paid the bus fare in pennies.”
– “Walked into a Costco with an expired membership card and had samples for dinner. I made the rounds a few times.”
– “Hittin’ a day-old Hostess bakery outlet dumpster. Snacks were still packaged and just fine.”
– “Called in sick on Wednesday because I only had enough gas money to drive to work one more time, so I waited ’til Thursday to drive to work because that was payday.”
– “Went around my university finding abandoned textbooks to sell back to the store.”
– “Ate one can of corn a day for a week ’til I got paid.”
– “My motorcycle headlight broke, so I started riding around with a flashlight in my mouth. True story.”
– “Got a gym membership just for the shower when I was living in my car for 3 months.”
– “Used a phone book as toilet paper.”
– “I had $10 for food for 2 weeks so I got things to make a large pot of veggie soup and a large tub of plain oatmeal and ate vegan (not on purpose) for three weeks till it was gone. I’ve been told that rich people call this a ‘cleanse’ diet now.”
– “Told my brother his Christmas gift was going to be delivered a couple of days after Christmas. Waited until I got a couple of gift cards that I asked for as a Christmas gift, and bought his gift using those.”
– “Picked up dropped coins from the floor of a laundromat when I was a kid, to buy a pot pie for my mother. She made me eat it because she was a saint.”
– “I went through a Southern summer without running air conditioning in my apartment. Just left the window open and walked around in my underwear like it was 1950.”
– “AVOIDED FRIENDSHIPS! I let so many close friendships fizzle away because I couldn’t afford to meet up.”
– “College kid, invited girlfriend over for dinner. Had no noodles, used ramen. Spaghetti sauce $1, a pound of meat $2. Made up a poor man’s spaghetti and we both had a piece of toast. She is now my wife.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What’s the brokest thing you ever did? (Warning: these stories can get really depressing – a lot of hungry people out there desperate for food.)

WHEN MEN DON’T REALIZE THE WOMAN IS THE CLIENT

Ladies, have you ever been in a situation where, even though you’re the person in charge, the salesman or clerk turns away from you and talks to your husband? From BuzzFeed, here are some real-life experiences:
– “Occasionally, when my husband and I go out to eat, I’ll order steak and he’ll go for the fish. The server nearly always gives the steak to him.”
– “He wasn’t my husband, not my boyfriend, but a guy friend I happened to have around when a carpenter came to fix something in my home. I was talking to the carpenter about the issue. Then, he saw my friend and did a 180° to talk to him. He literally turned his back on me while I was mid-sentence in my home.”
– “When my husband and I were looking for our first house, he had student debt. I had been practicing law and had $20K saved for the downpayment. The real estate agent only spoke to him, even if I asked the questions. In one house, we wanted to look at the basement, and the guy said, ‘You don’t want to go there. It has spiders.’ I told my husband that I wouldn’t ever buy a house from him. Later, that guy ran for office, and I told everyone the story, including a woman that called me randomly to promote his candidacy. Turns out, she was his mother.”
– “When I had my appendix taken out, I asked my doctor when sex would be okay again. He turned to my husband and said, ‘Whenever you feel ready, you can begin sexual relations again.'”
– “I have a chronic pain disease. I noticed that my father and male relatives have no problems securing pain meds, but my doctors would never give me any despite clearly indicating how much pain I was in. I started bringing my father or husband to my appointments and would have them repeat how much pain I was in. Suddenly, I get pain medication.”
– “I was sitting in a furniture store and texted my best friend to get her opinion on a piece I was looking at. The salesman goes, ‘You texting him to see if he’ll let you buy it?'”
– “I had been in the hospital with septic. On a scale of 1–10, my pain level was 8–10, and the doctor wouldn’t do a thing about it. The doctor decided to turn to my husband and say, ‘Would you be in this much pain?'”
– “I was dating someone for less than a year when I had to get an emergency hysterectomy. They asked him if he was okay with it.”
* How did BuzzFeed manage to get responses from 1950?
* Ladies: why do you even allow men to still exist on this earth?
* PHONE TOPIC: Do you have a story like this, where the salesman doesn’t believe a woman can be the decision maker?

U.S. NEWS

CONTEST: FLORIDA MAN HIRED TO GIVE VASECTOMIES TO __________

Turn this story into a Wheel of Florida Man contest! Have listeners guess the missing word in the headline, “Florida Man Hired To Give Vasectomies To ________” (* We hope somebody guesses “other Florida Men.”) Here’s a sounder for the contest:
CLIP: Wheel Of Florida Man sounder.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/WheelOfFloridaMan-Intro(dot)mp3
Here’s the story:
The village of Pinecrest, Florida has hired Don Harris to perform hundreds of vasectomies on the local population of peacocks. Although Miami-Dade County has a strict rule against trapping the birds, the village has secured an exemption because of its large, noisy and destructive peacock population. The birds will be caught and shipped to Harris, a specialist in caring for exotic animals, for vasectomies under sedation before being returned to the neighborhoods where they were taken. Harris points out that with vasectomies, male peacocks can still mate with females and enjoy the benefits of being the dominant bird in the flock and peahens can continue laying eggs. But after sterilization, peacocks lack the ability to fertilize an egg into a future chick.
* Well, this’ll be quite a feather in his cap! A big, colorful, six-foot-long feather.
* You’d think all those Florida snakes would have taken care of this problem by now.
* This wouldn’t be necessary but the peacocks refuse to use condoms.
* And don’t go trying to slip your cat into the vasectomy group by gluing feathers to it.
* Are they sure this guy Harris is a specialist in caring for exotic animals, or is he just a guy with a weird hobby?

OKLAHOMA ANNOUNCES THEME PARK

The state of Oklahoma has announced the creation of American Heartland Theme Park and Resort, a large park scheduled to open in phases throughout 2025 and 2026. The site will be located in the city of Vinita, in northeast Oklahoma, just west of Grand Lake on Route 66. The site will include a large-scale RV park and campground because, y’know, Oklahoma’s in the middle of nowhere. The resort will include a modern indoor water park. The theme park will feature “an Americana-themed environment with a variety of entertaining rides, live shows, family attractions, as well as restaurant-quality food and beverage offerings.” The design team for the theme park includes more than 20 former Disney Parks builders and Walt Disney Imagineers.
* What kind of rides will they come up with?
– Oil Derrick Mountain
– 20,000 Leagues Under the Dust
– John Deere Tractor Test Track
– Mr. Tornado’s Wild Ride
– The Tiki Barn, where all the birds are singing crows
– The Twilght Zone Truck Stop of Terror
– The Haunted Cornfield, where you dodge harvesters, locusts and pesticides
– The audio-animatronic Hall of Okies
– It’s A Small Haystack
* “Restaurant-quality” food and beverage offerings? I guess for Oklahoma, that’s pretty darn special.
* An indoor water park, ’cause, after you’ve traveled 1500 miles to get to the city of Vinita, why would you go an extra 12 miles to Grand Lake?
* They were hoping for a massive new computer chip manufacturing facility to revitalize the state, but an RV park and campground is nice, too.

CRIME STOPPERS SCREWS CRIME STOPPERS OUT OF $10,000

A Texas couple whose 911 call led to the capture of an alleged child kidnapper says the Crime Stoppers program is refusing to pay them their reward. A man named Leonard Lamar Neal allegedly abducted a 7-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy in Dallas last month, in June. The boy was released, but the girl was missing for 12 hours. She had allegedly been sexually assaulted. Neal had allegedly been on the run since. Briana and Kenyatta Jordan, parents of six children, were out to lunch when they spotted Neal on July 7. They called 911. While on the phone with 911, they followed a bus Neal was seen boarding. They were connected to a Dallas police officer, who was able to locate the Jordans in their car and told them, “We are pulling up behind you. So y’all can get out of the way now.” The Jordans reached out to Crime Stoppers to claim the $10,000 reward for the arrest of Neal. But the couple was told they were ineligible because they called police first. The Jordans argue that had they made the initial call to Crime Stoppers, Neal would still be at large. When asked, a Crime Stoppers board member said based on Texas law, rewards are only paid to people who call the tip line
* “Hello, Crime Stoppers? I’d like to report a bait and switch, and false advertising. It’s YOU!!!!”
* Look, it’s simple: How is the board of Crime Stoppers supposed to be able to afford nice dinners and new boats if they keep paying out reward money?
* Maybe if the Jordans kidnapped the board members?
* At least the 911 operator didn’t call the tip line. That would have sucked.
* Crime Stoppers: We think we’ve stopped enough crime by now.

NABISCO DISCONTINUES FAMOUS CHOCOLATE WAFERS FOR ICEBOX CAKE

This story may not mean anything to some people, but for others it’s an outrage. The Nabisco company has stopped making Famous Chocolate Wafers. These are the cookies – the proper cookies – one uses to make an icebox cake, a famous summer treat where you take the Chocolate Wafers and cover them in real whipped cream and assemble them into a log and stick it in the freezer. Without the cookies, there is no icebox cake. Sure, you can buy some Oreos and scrape out all the filling, but that’s an unconscionable waste of Oreos. Nabisco never really made an announcement about it; a little while ago, somebody asked the Nabisco website where they could get Famous Chocolate Wafers, and the company simply replied they’d been discontinued.
* There’s a lot of bad news in the world these days, but this takes the cake.
* This is like if they stopped making marshmallows, but you really wanted Krispie Treats. It’s like if Nestle’s stopped making morsels for Toll House Cookies.
* I will never buy anything from Nabisco ever again. Well, Oreos, but nothing else, ever. OK, Fudgetowns, but that’s it. And NutterButters. God, I hate you, Nabisco.
* If this is some ploy to drive up demand for Famous Chocolate Wafers, I’m really going to be pissed.
* So … how come there was no fuss when ICEBOXES became obsolete?
* Okay, Little Debbie! It’s time to step up and be our hero!!!

GAY WATER

Well, I hope you’re happy because now we’ve got Gay Water. Launched Thursday (yesterday) Gay Water is a canned vodka and soda beverage that proudly displays who it’s for, which, in case you missed it in the name, the LGBTQ+ community, as well as anybody else in the world. In other words, where Bud Light has buckled under pressure as bigotry grows against the LGBTQ+ community, Gay Water’s creator Spencer Hoddeson wants his new drink to be the antithesis of the bigotry Bud Light recently faced when they asked a transgender influencer to mention the product in a video. Gay Water is the nickname given to a popular vodka and soda cocktail ordered at bars by the gay community. Hoddeson said he wanted to start a brand that creates representation in spaces where representation is lacking like liquor stores, bars, restaurants and grocery stores.
* At last, representation in liquor store coolers.
* Straight people can drink it but they have to drink it straight up.
* Don’t confuse Gay Water with goy water, which is what they use to baptize babies.
* And don’t confuse it with gay waiter: “I’d like a Gay Water?” “I’m sorry, sir, but he’s busy taking orders at table 12.”
* They say if you drink Gay Water, you have a sudden urge to continue to be an average member of society.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

LION ON THE LOOSE NEAR BERLIN

A lion was on the loose near Berlin on Thursday. It was spotted in the town of Kleinmachnow on the southwestern outskirts of the city, feeding on what was likely a wild boar around midnight. Police contacted local animal parks, zoos and circuses but none were missing a lion. Meanwhile, more than a hundred police officers, veterinarians, hunters, drones and helicopters joined the search, while the public were warned to keep their pets inside. Kleinmachnow Mayor Michael Grubert said that the animal was “still on the run and has not been found yet.” He said children should not walk outside unless they are accompanied.
* Accompanied by another person, or accompanied by some dark, foreboding music?
* Good idea. Two people is more bait for the lion.
* No animal parks, zoos or circuses are missing a lion. Maybe it’s some badass’s emotional support animal?
* At least the town of Kleinmachnow has one less wild boar.
* What’s German for “Circle of Life”?
* In America, you know where we keep our lions? Maine.
[NOTE: Morning Sidekick has a sister who lives in, of all places, Kleinmachnow, and she verified all this Thursday morning before it made American news! (At least Morning Sidekick hopes he still has a sister in Kleinmachnow.)]

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Josh Hartnett (actor) … 45
Alysia Reiner (actress, “Better Things,” Natalie “Fig” Figueroa in “Orange Is the New Black”) … 53
Jon Lovitz (comedian, comic actor) … 66
Yusuf Islam (singer, songwriter, formerly Cat Stevens) … 75
Garry Trudeau (cartoonist, “Doonesbury”) … 75

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Anybody who tells you he doesn’t want to be famous is full of crap.”

(A) Pope Francis
(B) O.J. Simpson
(C) Jon Lovitz

ANSWER: (C) Jon Lovitz

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2011 – The space shuttle program came to an end after 30 years as Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
* Flying the space shuttles was getting too expensive, too redundant, and too scary.

2002 – Telecommunications giant WorldCom Inc. filed for bankruptcy protection, about a month after disclosing it had inflated profits by nearly $4 billion through deceptive accounting.
* “Sorry, we accidentally moved the decimal point … seven places!”

1985 – The man who started the late 20th Century jogging craze, fitness author Jim Fixx, died of a heart attack while running.
* Right up until then, it was doing wonders for his health.

1984 – The first killing of a human by a robot occurred when a worker was killed by a factory robot in Jackson, Michigan.
* The weird part is that it was a love triangle.

1873 – Famous Western outlaw Jesse James held his first heist, when he robbed the Rock Island Express train and got away with about $3,000.
* Back then, that was actually a lot of money.

1861 – The first clash of the U.S. Civil War took place, at Manassas, Virginia.
* We didn’t always used to fight wars only in places that had oil.

1819 – The patent for the electromagnet was granted.
* Okay, maybe you don’t care, but this is a big day for electronics geeks.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – Canadian Justin Bieber was banned from performing in China, according to Beijing’s Culture Bureau. In a statement, the ministry said it was not appropriate to allow in entertainers who have engaged in “bad behavior.”

2008 – Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake Fielder-Civil, 26, was jailed for 27 months for attacking a pub landlord and then trying to bribe the victim to drop the charges.

2007 – Sharon Osbourne’s music mogul father Don Arden died in a Los Angeles nursing home at the age of 81. Dubbed the Al Capone of Pop for his uncompromising business practices, he steered The Small Faces, Black Sabbath and ELO to stardom.

2003 – Coldplay singer Chris Martin was charged with malicious damage in Australia after he allegedly attacked a photographer’s car after he had taken pictures of him surfing at Seven Mile Beach. Martin admitted he had lost his temper due to the constant harassment by that journalist, and consequently smashed his windshield and let the air out of his tires.

1990 – Roger Waters’ “The Wall” was staged at the Berlin Wall in Potzdamer Platz, Berlin. Over 200,000 people attended and the event was broadcast live throughout the world. Van Morrison, Bryan Adams, Joni Mitchell and others took part.

1977 – The Sex Pistols made their debut on UK music TV show Top Of The Pops.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Every week, 1 in 5 people experience THIS while eating. What is it?
Burning the roof of their mouth

2. According to a study, you’re likely to eat 50% more calories when you eat HERE. Where is it?
Grandparents house

3. 60% of us can eat THIS in less than 15 minutes. What is it?
Lunch

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