FRIDAY, Dec 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, December 22, 2023
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NOTE: MORNING SIDEKICK will be off Monday, December 25 through Monday, January 1 for our annual Christmas/New Year holiday.
For those of you on the air during this period, we will be posting our BEST OF 2023 collection of wacky news stories so you can treat your listeners to a review of the best morning show news items of the year. The link will be on our website prep page. We will be posting and emailing occasional stories during the break, and we will return with daily prep for Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024.
To all Morning Sidekick affiliates and friends, we thank you for trusting us to help you bring the laughs in the morning. We’re ready to do it again next year (after a few days of sleep)!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR, and thanks for making us your MORNING SIDEKICK!

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL DATE NUT BREAD DAY (December 22 or September 8)
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Date Nut Bread Day is today. Enjoy a tasty bread for the holidays. It’s the perfect bread for the season. It contains nuts and sugar, but is not heavy on the sugar. Date nut bread is quite popular. You can make it yourself, or buy some at the bakery. We suggest a couple of loafs. In our house, a single loaf does not last long. There is some question as to the correct date for this special day. A survey of the net resulted in roughly half of the references for this day claiming it is on September 8th. In our survey, a very slight majority record this special day on December 22. We go with the majority for two reasons: First, it is the majority. Second, this day fits well in the holiday season. Date Nut Bread is popular for the holidays. Get your fill of Date Nut Bread today. After all, that’s what this day is for.”

NATIONAL HAIKU POETRY DAY

December is:

Exotic/Tropical Fruits Month
National Egg Nog Month
National Fruit Cake Month
National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
National Write a Business Plan Month
Safe Toys and Gifts Month
Tomato Month
Winter Squash Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WILLIE NELSON DOCUMENTARY

There’s a new documentary about 90-year-old Willie Nelson called “Willie Nelson & Family” on Paramount+. Here are some of the bombshells:
– During a fight with his first wife, Willie was stabbed in his side with a fork.
– Willie had multiple suicide attempts in his drinking days, in the 1960’s.
– Willie’s then-wife Shirley Collie learned Willie had had an affair when she got a hospital bill for the birth of his mistress’ baby.
– Willie’s son Billy saved his sister Paula from a house fire. Willie, meanwhile, ran into the burning house and rescued his beloved guitar Trigger and “a bag of primo Colombian pot.”
– Willie once got into a shootout with daughter Lana’s ex-husband.
– Willie had to have his lung inflated – three times – after it collapsed during a vacation in Hawaii in 1981.
– When Willie filmed Stagecoach with Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson in 1986, producers asked him to cut his hair to play Doc Holliday. Annie D’Angelo was his hair and makeup artist on the film. Willie asked her if he should cut his hair, and she said, “Honestly, I don’t see the point.” Willie didn’t, and he ended up marrying D’Angelo, and they are still married today.
– In 1990, Willie learned he owed $32 million in income taxes to the IRS – thanks to a bad business manager – but he did not file for bankruptcy.
* The biggest bombshell, of course is: Willie smokes pot.
* Over 90 years, how much total time do you think he’s spent in a stupor? Seven years? Twelve? Thirty?
* I really expected the name Betty White to show up.
* And then there’s the classic joke: “What the worst thing you can hear while having sex with Willie Nelson?” “I’m not really Willie Nelson.”

THE BUZZ

WHAT WAS ONCE STRANGE IS NORMAL NOW

Reddit asked, “What was strange 20 years ago, but is absolutely normal now?” Some of the responses:
– Leaving the house to go some place without having directions and letting your GPS figure out the way to go.”
– “Phones for elementary school kids.”
– “Not having a house phone.”
– “Online dating, you were considered weird if you met your SO online.”
– “Going to concerts and sporting events without a physical ticket..”
– “Posting every intimate detail and skeleton in your closet online for everyone to see… then getting upset that everyone is all up in yo business… and posting THAT online too.”
– “Ordering everyday household products online.”
– “Internet in your pocket. Now, my watch has a data connection.”
– “Once upon a time, people would pay money to see a tattooed man at the circus.”
– “Showing people vomiting in movies. Nobody wants to look at vomit. I swear I see vomit in movies or TV shows at least once a week now. Why do we gotta see so much vomit?? I would be perfectly okay never, ever seeing vomit.”
– “Taking massive amounts of pictures of yourself.”
– “Fitted leisure clothing!”
– “Mini cans of soda. Back then they would be considered a ripoff.”
– “Carrying around a huge bottle of water.”
– “Walking into a bank with a mask on.”
– “Having no cash money.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What new thing can you not get used to?

U.S. NEWS

WOMAN PRETENDS TO BE WAFFLE HOUSE EMPLOYEE, WORKS SHIFT, LEAVES WITH MONEY

In Riverdale, Georgia, police are searching for a woman they say pretended to be a Waffle House employee before taking off with the restaurant’s cash. The incident happened around 7 p.m. Dec. 12. The woman, wearing a waitress uniform and a Waffle House cap, worked for two hours before leaving. Surveillance video shows her accessing the cash register and stealing cash. The amount of money taken was not disclosed.
* Was it a short stack?
* It’s not like they were going to send her a paycheck for the work.
* When it comes to stealing, she didn’t waffle.
* If they catch her, ask her how she feels about pulling a shift at a Walmart register, to help move things along.
* And they say no one wants to work anymore.

SLIM JIM SPORTS CAR STOLEN

Somebody stole the Slim Jim custom sports car. The car is Slim Jim’s promotional vehicle, like the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile only a lot cooler. The car is nicknamed “Fast Meat.” It’s a Nissan Z painted with a fiery orange-and-yellow exterior, with custom yellow leather interior, LED under carriage lighting, and an exclusive Slim Jim holder in the front seat along with a Slim Jim dispenser in the glove box. The car was stolen in Los Angeles.
* I don’t know from crime, but this is the best publicity Slim Jim has ever had, ever.
* What kind of jerky guy would steal the Slim Jim car?
* The exclusive Slim Jim holder in the front seat alone must be worth at least 7 dollars.
* The suspects are described as possibly armed and very, very thirsty.
* Officials anticipate a long investigation. Long, and thin, and spicy.
* I bet they find it at a car meet. (MEET!)

A TALE OF TWO CRUISES

Two vacation cruises are in the news this week:
– In one case, dozens of Carnival Cruise passengers returned to port in Charleston, South Carolina only to find that the massive storm that went up the east coast had destroyed their cars that had been parked in a lot that flooded. One cruise passenger returned to her car to find the water had come up at least three to four feet. She noted, “It would have been nice if they had informed us that this had occurred.” Carnival issued a statement suggesting those with damaged cars contact the parking lot owners, as it was not a Carnival facility. To top it off, the passengers had experienced rough seas throughout their entire five-day trip.
* When they saw their cars, they got a sinking feeling.
* Everybody formed a conga line to their insurance agent.
* Whoever would have imagined that weather affects the oceans?
– Passengers aboard an MSC Cruise Lines ship sailing out of New York City were supposed to be heading to the Bahamas but found out too late that, because of the weather, they were rerouted to Boston, Maine and Canada. One day before its departure from New York last Saturday, passengers were informed about a last-minute itinerary change. Many had already traveled to New York for the cruise. Guests were given a last-minute choice between sailing to the new stops or canceling for future cruise credit. The liner left New York City on Saturday and docked in Boston for three days, Portland, Maine on Wednesday and Canada on Thursday before it returns to New York on Saturday. Said one passenger, “We thought we were being punked. Bahamas, Boston … it’s a huge difference.”
* I’ll say. First of all, the both pronounce “Nassau” way different.
* The cruise industry calls these people liner whiners.
* I don’t know … maybe with blindfolds and a bunch of heat lamps …
* Yes, but look at the great story you’ll be able to tell the family this Christmas.

CLOWNS SUE CLOWNS

Four former New York clowns are suing the “Clowns” website, which arranges clowns for children’s birthday parties and other events for kids. The suit contends Clowns promised $25 per hour. The lawsuit claims Clowns misclassified the workers all as independent contractors so that they wouldn’t have to pay overtime wages, when they should have been classed as employees. The four plaintiffs are suing for hours of back pay. The plaintiffs are not only seeking damages, but permission to expand the litigation into a class action suit.
* Sure, get everybody into the clown car lawsuit.
* What a bunch of bozos.
* The clowns are really honked off.
* The poor clowns have been reduced to living on cream pies and seltzer.
* Another case of whiteface exploiting the working man.

TRENDINGSERENA WILLIAMS DONATES BREAST MILK

Serena Williams is donating her breast milk to those in need. On Thursday, the tennis legend, who has two daughters ages 6 and 3 months, took to social media to say, “On a recent trip to NY I had left over breast milk. After going through a screening I was able to donate it instead of taking the milk home. I know so many amazing women that adopt or are unable to make milk. It felt amazing. BTW Someone out there is getting some super soldier milk.”

NIRVANA “NEVERMIND” COVER LAWSUIT REVIVED

The naked baby in the pool grabbing for the dollar bill on a fishing line on the cover of Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album? Last year in 2022, that little baby – now grown up – tried to sue the band, the record company – and probably the fishhook company – for exploitation. A judge threw the case out of court, saying it had passed the statute of limitations. Now, the case has been revived. A panel of federal appellate judges has reversed the dismissal of the lawsuit, filed on behalf of now 31-year-old Spencer Elden. The panel has ruled that since each new publication of the “Nevermind” cover may constitute personal trauma, the lawsuit was not bound to the statute of limitations. Elden can still claim he suffers “personal trauma” from that picture, and his lawsuit may proceed against several record labels, the band’s surviving members and the estate of late guitarist Kurt Cobain.

JO KOY TO HOST THE GOLDEN GLOBES

The Golden Globes, the award show nobody wants to host, will be hosted by comedian Jo Koy. Jo says in a statement, “This is that moment where I get to make my Filipino family proud. Mahal Kita!” (Which translates to “I love you.”)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Dec. 25, Monday – Christmas
Dec. 31, Sunday – New Year’s Eve
Jan. 1, Monday – New Year’s Day 2024

BIRTHDAYS

Meghan Trainor (singer) … 30
Jordin Sparks (singer, American Idol winner) … 34
Chris Carmack (actor, “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Nashville”) … 43
Lori McKenna (Country singer) … 55
Ralph Fiennes (actor) … 61
Diane Sawyer (former TV news anchor, TV host) … 78

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t want to go to the future. I’m scared of the future!”

(A) Bill Nye the Science Guy
(B) Neil deGrasse Tyson
(C) Chris Carmack

ANSWER: (C) Chris Carmack

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2010 – President Barack Obama signed a law allowing, for the first time in history, gays to serve openly in America’s military. The previous policy forced gays to hide their sexual orientation or face dismissal.
* The old policy was called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” so this was “Don’t Don’t Ask, Don’t Don’t Tell.”

2005 – Astronomers announced the discovery of two more rings around Uranus.
* Probably from sitting on the toilet too long.

2001 – Richard C. Reid, a passenger on an American Airlines flight from Paris to Miami, tried to ignite explosives in his shoes, but was subdued by flight attendants and fellow passengers.
* You want deadly shoes? Smell my loafers.

1928 – President Coolidge signed the Boulder Dam Bill, clearing the way for its construction in Nevada.
* His aides laughed themselves silly by constantly saying “Sign the dam bill Mr. President. Sign the dam bill!”

1895 – German physicist William Roentgen became the first user of X-rays.
* His secretary kept wondering why he always giggled when she walked by the screen.

1894 – The United States Golf Association formed in New York.
* The Miniature Golf Association would form in the 1970s.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – Singer Joe Cocker died of lung cancer in Crawford, Colorado at age 70.

2005 – Janet Jackson was the most-searched name during 2005 according to Google. The singer topped a list of searches with people looking for pictures of her infamous “wardrobe malfunction” at the 2004 Super Bowl when she exposed her right breast.

2002 – Former Clash singer and guitarist Joe Strummer died of a suspected heart attack at age 50.

2000 – Madonna married film director Guy Ritchie at Skibo Castle, Scotland. Celebrities attending the wedding included Jon Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, Sting and fashion designers Donatella Versace, Jean Paul Gaultier and Stellla McCartney. They divorced in 2008, with Madonna paying Ritchie up to $92 million in the settlement.

1988 – The Smiths played their farewell gig at Wolverhampton Civic Hall, England (without guitarist Johnny Marr).

1987 – Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue was pronounced “dead on arrival” in an ambulance when his heart stopped beating for two minutes. Sixx was given two shots of adrenaline in his chest to revive him. Fellow band members were prematurely informed of his death.

1984 – Madonna started a six-week run at No. 1 on the U.S. charts with “Like A Virgin,” her first U.S. No.1.

1976 – Soul singer Isaac Hayes filed for bankruptcy, and had to sell his $500,000 house.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. People have named THIS the #1 thing they hate about holiday gift shopping. What is it?
Not knowing what to buy

2. The average person will spend $127 on Christmas gifts for THESE people. Who are they?
People they don’t like

3. Only 6% of adults surveyed said that THIS is their favorite part of gift-giving. What is it?
Wrapping the presents

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