FRIDAY, Aug 25 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, August 25, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

KISS AND MAKE UP DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Kiss and Make Up Day is a great way to end a spat. Everyone has an argument, a fight, or a tiff once in a while. Family, friends, lovers, no one escapes without an occasional fight. Today is a day to end the fight, kiss, and make up. Oh, what fun this day can be! Today is a day to end the fight, be it a short spat, or a long standing feud. C’mon, get over the issues, and resolve your differences. Then, kiss and make up. After all, making up can be oh, so sweet. For lovers, it is the best part of the fight. Some might suggest that the kissing and the making up part makes fighting worthwhile.”

NATIONAL BANANA SPLIT DAY

NATIONAL SECONDHAND WARDROBE DAY

NATIONAL WHISKEY SOUR DAY

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

KEVIN HART INJURES SELF IN 40-YARD DASH

Comedian Kevin Hart was hanging out with former New England Patriot running back Stevan Ridley when they got into a debate over who was faster. Hart challenged Ridley to a 40-yard dash. Hart lost. He lost badly, tearing muscles in his lower abdominal region. He says he can’t walk. Kevin called attention to his age, saying a 44-year-old man should not be running the 40-yard dash, and called himself “the stupidest man alive.” He says he’s going to be in a wheelchair for the next 6-8 weeks.
* Kevin Hart is the first man to have a hernia bigger then he is.
* Tell him absolutely, positively no wheelchair races!
* If it keeps him from making “Ride Along 3,” it was worth it.
* Man, I haven’t seen any muscles in my abdominal region for YEARS.
* Four years ago, he was in a car crash when he let someone else drive his Plymouth Barracuda. Maybe his next movie should be a remake of “Death Wish.”

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES TO PUT HANDPRINTS OUTSIDE HOLLYWOOD CHINESE THEATER

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been selected to put their little green hands in wet cement in front of what is now called the TCL Chinese Theater on Hollywood Blvd. The Turtles join a who’s who of Hollywood icons such as Joan Crawford, Al Jolson, Jimmy Stewart, Marilyn Monroe, Clint Eastwood, Meryl Streep, Kevin Costner, Dwayne Johnson, the Harry Potter kids, as well as C-3PO and R2-D2. The ceremony happens on September 7.
* “Selected”? Oh, you BET money changed hands here.
* The Turtles only have three fingers on each hand. Maybe they’ll do a shell print.
* Their handprints will appear right beside the tire tracks from the Transformers.
* Groot gets screwed again.

THE BUZZ

THE PEOPLE WE SHOULD SEND TO MARS

Researchers have revealed the best traits for the first human settlers on Mars. Social scientists at George Mason University looked what they determined to be the four broad personality types – neurotic, reactive, social, and agreeable – and ran five simulations to see which would fare best on Mars. The people most likely to last are – it’s a shocker, you’d better sit down – people with an “agreeable” personality type.
* Canadians?
* Wow, Bob Ross would have been PERFECT. Sad!
* See, I was gonna guess the best people to send to Mars would be the casts of all the Real Housewives shows.
* Uhhhh … are you really gonna spend billions of dollars to colonize Mars and pick who goes by their ATTITUDE?
The researchers also found the optimum number of people required to start building civilization on another planet. They determined that just 22 people would do the job.
* Of both sexes, right? They need to be more specific or it’s not going to work.
* So, the entire population of Mars would come from just 22 people. Like Arkansas.

U.S. NEWS

MAN ARRESTED FOR DUI IN A TOY CAR

In Vinceness, Indiana, a man was arrested for driving a toy car while intoxicated. Wednesday night around 9pm, an Indiana State Police Trooper saw a man driving down the road in a Power Wheels toy jeep with no lights or reflectors. The trooper pulled him over (* pulled him over?) and identified the driver as 51-year-old John McKee, who seemed to be impaired. The trooper gave Mr. McKee a field sobriety test, which he failed.
* “Sir, do you know how fast you weren’t going?”
* For a sobriety test, he had to remove the Butterflies in the Stomach from Cavity Sam in the Operation game.
* Sure it’s dumb, but it’s the end of the month, and these troopers need to make their ticket quotas.
* How far down the list of modes of transportation do you have to get before being intoxicated is not a crime? How about those sneakers with little wheels in the heels?
* Remember: If you drink, don’t drive a Power Wheels. Call Uber, and a kid on a skateboard will come get you home.

ROBBER HAD THREE PARROTS PERCHED ON HIM

On Tuesday, a man walked into a McDonald’s in Seven Corners, Virginia, pulled a knife on a man in the restaurant, and robbed him of an undisclosed amount of money. The suspect wore a black cowboy hat. He had two parrots sitting on the hat and a third parrot perched on his shoulder. The suspect left the area in a blue Ford SUV. Police are looking for help locating the suspect.
* Don’t expect the parrots to talk.
* They must have been desperate for cracker money.
* A cowboy hat? No hook-hand and pegleg?
* I’d be looking for a man in suburban Virginia with a cowboy hat. With bird crap all over it.
* He found someone who carries cash around? Weird!

WOMAN STARTS FIRE WITH TORTILLA CHIPS

In Nixa, Missouri, a woman was arrested for first-degree arson after she poured gasoline on some clothes, lit a spicy tortilla chip and started a fire inside a home. Witnesses say Patricia Williams, 42, poured gasoline from a soda bottle onto clothes and the floor of the laundry room. She then lit Takis tortilla chips on fire and tossed them into the laundry room. Three other people were inside the house, and all escaped with no injuries from the fire. Williams admitted to police that she started the fire intentionally. She said she used the chips because she knew they would burn because of the grease content.
* Thank you, Mrs. MacGyver.
* Grease content? Good thing she didn’t use French fries or there would have been an inferno.
* To put out the fire, did they pour Cool Ranch Doritos on the flames?
* This is why tortilla chip s’mores never took off.
* If you really want to feel the flame from a Takis tortilla chip, try eating a bag and wait a few hours.
* I’ve had laundry that should have been burned rather than washed.

TOUGH MUDDER RUNNERS BREAK OUT IN RASH

An advisory has been issued after several people who competed in a Tough Mudder run and obstacle course competition last weekend in Sonoma, California experienced medical issues. The Sonoma County Department of Health Services has received multiple reports of rashes, fever, muscle pain, nausea and vomiting among those who participated in the event, which involves running and a lot of rolling around in mud. There are several possibilities, according to the health department:
– “Swimmer’s Itch,” caused by the eggs of microscopic parasites. The eggs can hatch and the microscopic larvae can burrow in the skin of humans and cause symptoms, including rashes.
– A staph infection, caused by bacteria which could enter the bloodstream and travels to the host’s bones, heart or lungs.
– Aeromonas hydrophila, typically found in fresh water or sewage (* Quite the polar opposites!), which can cause diarrhea, kidney disease, meningitis, and sepsis.
Sonoma County Department of Health Services says that if you participated in the race and have a rash with fever or other symptoms, please see your medical provider.
* Or, just set yourself on fire, it will be a lot quicker.
* No wonder I lost, I was dragged down by microscopic parasites.
* Last year’s Tough Mudder winner got a trophy and a shot of penicillin.
* They keep telling us to go outside and get some exercise, and it keeps not being a good idea.

TRENDINGDREW BARRYMORE’S STALKER ARRESTED OUTSIDE HER HOME

Drew Barrymore‘s alleged stalker was detained for a short period of time on Wednesday (August 23) after allegedly going door-to-door in Barrymore’s affluent Hamptons, Long Island, neighborhood. This incident happened just days after the man ran up to a stage where Barrymore was interviewing actress Reneé Rapp. At that event, the man yelled, “You know who I am. I need to see you at some point while you’re in New York.” In this new incident, the man, identified as Chad Michael Busto, was reportedly on Barrymore’s property, although when police arrived he was not on the property. Busto has a history of alleged online sexual harassment, threats, stalking and was once arrested for indecent exposure.

LIZZO TO SUE BACKUP DANCERS

Lizzo‘s lawyer has now revealed that the singer intends to sue her former backup dancers for “malicious prosecution” following their lawsuit against her. The pop star is being sued by three of her former backup dancers, accusing her of creating a hostile work environment and engaging in sexual harassment. Lizzo’s attorney Martin Singer says they “intend to sue for malicious prosecution after Lizzo prevails and these specious claims are dismissed.” He also added: “The lawsuit is a sham.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Blake Lively (actress, original “Gossip Girl,” Mrs. Ryan Reynolds) … 36
Claudia Schiffer (model) … 53
Rachael Ray (talk show host / TV chef) … 55
Jeff Tweedy (singer/songwriter, “Wilco”) … 56
Vivian Campbell (guitarist with Def Leppard) … 61
Billy Ray Cyrus (country singer, father of Miley Cyrus) … 62
Tim Burton (film director) … 65
Elvis Costello (singer/songwriter, born Declan Patrick Aloysius McManus) … 69
Gene Simmons (musician with KISS, born Chaim Witz in Israel) … 74

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.”

(A) Britney Spears
(B) Shia LaBeouf
(C) Tim Burton

ANSWER: (C) Tim Burton

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2012 – The Voyager 1 spacecraft, launched in 1977, became the first spacecraft to enter interstellar space.
* It’s trying to get as far away from here as possible.

1998 – Gary Coleman pleaded innocent to the charge that he hit a woman in a mall after she had sought his autograph. Coleman was working as a security guard.
* How could he hit her? He couldn’t even REACH her.

1997 – The tobacco industry agreed to a settlement of $11.3 billion with the state of Florida.
* Finally, it was THEIR turn to cough it up.

1988 – Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their eight years of war.
* “It’s like this,” explained Iraq’s Saddam Hussein, “I need to concentrate all my military on attacking Kuwait in a few years.”

1921 – The United States signed a peace treaty with Germany.
* Well, that worked out nicely.

1919 – The first scheduled passenger service by airplane began on this date in 1919, between Paris and London.
* Details on where the LUGGAGE ended up were never made clear.

1875 – Captain Matthew Webb became the first person to swim across the English Channel, traveling from Dover, England, to Calais, France, in 22 hours.
* Anything to get away from British food.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2018 – Neil Young and American actress and environmental activist Daryl Hannah married in a secret ceremony in Atascadero, California. It was Young’s third marriage and her first.

2006 – Aerosmith bassist Tom Hamilton was undergoing treatment for throat cancer causing him to sit out the first half of the band’s Route of All Evil Tour, the first time he would miss any shows in the band’s history. Longtime band friend David Hull filled in for Hamilton until his return.

2005 – Two former members of Guns N’ Roses were suing singer Axl Rose for allegedly naming himself sole administrator of the band’s copyrights. Slash and Duff – otherwise known as Saul Hudson and Michael McKagan – accused Rose of “arrogance and ego.” The legal action claimed the singer “was no longer willing to acknowledge the contributions of his former partners.”

2001 – U.S. singer and actress Aaliyah was killed in a plane crash in the Bahamas at age 22. The small Cessna plane crashed a few minutes after takeoff killing everyone on board with the exception of four passengers who were pulled from the wreckage but later died. Aaliyah had been filming a video for her latest release “Rock The Boat” on the island.

1997 – A deranged man who had escaped from a mental institution near Helsinki, Finland was arrested. The man had planned to set fire to the stage that Michael Jackson was performing on. He was arrested before he was able to light the gasoline he had put on the stage.

1993 – Snoop Doggy Dogg was released on $1 million bail after being accused of being involved with the murder of a member of the By Yerself gang during a shooting in Los Angeles. He was acquitted of the charges in 1996.

1979 – The Knack started a five-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “My Sharona,” the group’s only No. 1.

1970 – Elton John made his U.S. live debut when he kicked off a 17-date tour at the Troubadour in Los Angeles.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. If you are average, you eat THESE almost 280 times a year. What are they?
Eggs

2. People in the early 1800’s actually used THIS food item as medicine. What is it?
Ketchup

3. THIS food-related word was first used over 1,000 years ago. What is it?
Pizza

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