FLORIDA: LEMURS NOW

A 21-year old Miami woman received some painful injuries when she was attacked by a lemur outside her home. Victoria Valledor was leaving the house when the lemur jumped on her and bit her. The victim’s grandmother ran to get a banana and gave it to the lemur to get its attention but the animal, once again, grabbed a hold of the victim. The ladies called 911, but when officers arrived the lemur started chasing them around, too. Someone from Florida’s wildlife division was eventually able to coax the animal to a kennel and they removed the lemur from the scene. It’s unknown where the lemur came from.
* What is Madagascar, Alex?
* Was the lemur singing “I like to move it, move it”?
* Nothing’s worse than lemur stalkers.
* Imagine how slim the odds must be that you would just happen to smell like lemur food.
* The grandmother ran to get a banana? How about getting a gun?
* Okay, if you don’t like guns, grab a baseball bat.
* At least she didn’t try to reason with it.
* Now comes the part where you worry about the viruses the damn thing was carrying around.
* And thus began the Great Lemur Virus Epidemic of 2017.