FIRST U.S. PENIS TRANSPLANT

Doctors at Johns Hopkins University are preparing for what would be the first U.S. penis transplant, a procedure that could potentially help hundreds of wounded veterans. The first such operation was planned for a soldier who suffered genital injuries in a bomb blast in Afghanistan. The 12-hour operation would involve the stitching together of nerves and blood vessels and could restore urinary function and over time, the ability to have sex. Because the procedure would restore only the penis and not the testes, the patient would not be able to have biological children. According to the New York Times, more than 1,367 soldiers suffered injury to their genitals between 2001 and 2013 in Iraq or Afghanistan. Although the procedure is not required to save a life, doctors and Pentagon officials told the newspaper they believe it is worthwhile to deal with the psychological trauma suffered by the soldiers. Johns Hopkins has been authorized to perform 60 of the experimental surgeries. The donor organs will be coming from deceased males whose families have given permission. Earlier this year, a South African man received the world’s first successful penis transplant and reported later he was to become a father. This was possible because his testicles, where sperm is produced, were not affected.
* Help our soldiers proudly stand at attention once again.
* Ouch – I bet this story is going to cause a slight drop in enlistments.
* Johns Hopkins doctors are asking for donated johns.
* The doctors “are preparing” because the don’t want to go off half-cocked.
* So, would this fall under “organ donor”?
* Be an organ donor, so a needy recipient can once again play the organ.
* Come on, Caitlyn Jenner, step up and do something patriotic.
* If we’re going to have penis transplants, we’ll need a bank of some sort to store them. What should we call it?
– JP Organ Chase?
– Charles Schwanz?
– Hancock Holding Company?
* The know the scary thing? We have to get these operations caught up so we’re ready for the next batch from Syria.
* It never ends, does it?
* Were you like me? When you heard the phrase “penis transplant” did it remind you of when Simon Cowell came over from England?
* 1,367 soldiers got this in Iraq and Afghanistan so they’re right about one thing: war is hell.
* I wonder if Dick Cheney feels any guilt here? Naa, what was I thinking?