DRUNK MAN ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A CALL ON HIS SHOE

He has a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “what’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?” Pirate says, “Arr, there’s Bounty on me head.”

Surreal.

Kid goes, “Was it something I said?” Boss says, “Yes”.

Cameron Diaz.

He tells him, “I have to do an assessment about your habits. Do you drink?” The patient says, “No.” “Smoke?” “No.” “Do drugs?” “No.” “Cheat on your wife?” “Never.” “Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?” The patient says, “Yeah. Lying.”