Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS LIST
WInner winner, not for Sinners.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
THE RAZZIE AWARDS: WINNERS LIST
Ptthhhhhht!
SESAME STREET SUES SEA WORLD
Big Bird, big lawsuit.
HALF OF AMERICA DOESN’T GO TO THE MOVIES ANYMORE
How did “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2” not pull them in?
OSCAR NOMINEE GIFT BAGS
In which luxury companies get their names mentioned on the radio.
QUENTIN TARENTINO TO DIRECT LONDON PLAY
A “swashbuckling” comedy!
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A guy goes up to his boss after an ethics training seminar.
He says, “Boss, that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.
His boss says, “Look, animal testing is an accepted practice, many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”
Guy says, “Yeah, but we make hammers.”
What happened to the sewer worker?
He died in the line of dooty.
Guy goes into the confession booth.
He says, “Father, I just committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily made love to his wife, and then ate all of his groceries. And I didn’t share anything.”
Priest says, “You forgot pride.”
Guy says, “No, I’m pretty proud of myself for this.”
Guy goes to the battery store and says,”I need two C Batteries”.
The counter guy points to the shelf and said “There, just look at them”.
What’s leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
U.S. NEWS
FLORIDA MAN STEALS SEPTIC TANK
A going concern.
BUC-EE’S GETS AN “F” FROM THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU
Eat here. Get Gas.
UFC FIGHTERS TO TRAIN FBI AGENTS
Anaconda choke.
EPISCOPAL PRIEST ACCUSED OF STEALING BASEBALL CARDS FROM WALMART
Thous shalt not steal home.
CALL A BOOMER
Reach out and touch someone old.
WOMEN FLY FAKE CROWS INTO PRISON YARD
This plan was for the birds.
WOMAN HOLDS SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR HUSBAND AT COSTCO
Surprise! Albacore Tuna, $17.99 for 6 cans (limit 30).
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
GOLDFISH DRIVES CAR 40 FEET
It was a little car.
JAPANESE MAN FALLS INTO HOLE ON TOP OF HIBERNATING BEAR
Crankier than the average bear.
CHINESE MAN CAUGHT SMUGGLING ANTS ONTO AIRPLANE
Surprisingly, not in his pants.
BRITISH MAN TURNS BLUE
He dyed.
KICKBOXER PULLS A CAR WITH HIS TESTICLES
Tug of war.
WIFE-CARRYING RACE
Carry on.
MALAYSIAN MAN HAS 10 EXTRA TEETH
Long in the tooth.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Scuba Finals
I’m Free!
The Dog Show Was Over Soon After This Was Taken
Bruno, No!
Ant Bridge
Goat Ate My Homework
THE BUZZ
HOW NOT TO IMPRESS A GIRL
God, we’re stupid.
HOW TO MAKE THAT 3-POINTER
Crouch!
AUDIO: AMERICAN SMOKERS – LESS THAN 10%
But vaping? *Throws down a smoke bomb*
COMPANY SECRETS
Spill the beans!
DUMB HEADLINES
Our weekly look a the dumbest real headlines.
THE HAPPIEST CITIES IN THE US
(sigh) You’d know it if you lived there.
HOT DOG VS. HAMBURGER
Throwdown!
THE TOP 50 SIMPLE PLEASURES IN LIFE
[That you can say on the radio.]
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
UNDERTONE
Starts Friday, March 13 in theaters.
REMINDERS OF HIM
Starts Friday, March 13 in theaters.
THE BRIDE
Starts Friday, March 6 in theaters.
HOPPERS
Starts Friday, March 6 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
SONG: WHEN YOU’RE IRISH IN A BAR
‘Tis a song for the day, boyo.
JACK 0’LANTERNS
We overstocked at Halloween.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 13.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Anniversary
Sometimes, anniversaries are joyous occasions. Sometimes not.
ADOLESCENT MOTIVATION CENTER
Tried and true methods that work!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 6.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – EZLease
Sorry, but with Al and Mike, nothing is ever easy.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, Fedbruary 27.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
MAIL SNOW
A simple plan.
A & M AUTOLAND – Day Two
It’s Day Two of A&M’s Big Sale starting next week!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, February 20.
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