Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
AUDIO: SHATNER GOES HEAVY METAL
Enter Shatman.
TAYLOR SWIFT TO RECEIVE MADE-UP AWARD ON MTV VMA’S
Orson Wells couldn’t be here tonight.
DOLLY PARTON CORN MAZES ARE BIG SELLERS THIS YEAR
I’m holding out for the Bob Mackie maze.
THE PICARD GAMBLE: IT WOULD WORK, SAYS PHYSICIST STAR TREK FAN
And don’t get him started on The Big Bang Theory.
OPRAH IN THE SPHERE
Everybody check under your seat.
BEYONCE’S BIG BARREN BOX BESET BY BEYHIVE BUYERS’ BACKLASH
Ever see “The Sting”?
LADY GAGA HAS A BABY
Born THIS way.
THE BEATLES IN SCIENCE: LET IT BE ALREADY
I’m so tired.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Guy goes to get a colonoscopy.
They could only get the camera half way there. Turns out, it was a semi-colonoscopy.
What is warm and smells like banana?
Gorilla barf.
Where does Superman buy his groceries?
At the supermarket.
Why do gas stations charge you for air?
Inflation
Did you hear about the clumsy girl who fell in love?
She falls for everyone.
U.S. NEWS
DRIVE-BY CROSSBOWING
Then he bolted.
CUSTODY EXCHANGE TURNS INTO GUN BATTLE
Child Protective Services: “There goes my weekend.”
HARD MOUNTAIN DEW OFFERS $1 MILLON FOR PROOF OF BIGFOOT
Alcohol may be involved.
NEW YORK CITY’S NEW SOLAR-POWERED PUBLIC TOILETS
The toilet of tomorrow… orrow… orrow… orrow…
POLICE NAB 650 ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER DESTINED FOR PRANKING
It would’ve been an awesome prank, no doubt.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
BEE THIEVES STRIKE QUEENSLAND
Yes, it was a sting operation.
VENICE RESTAURANT CHARGES FOR BACKGROUND MUSIC
È troppo caro.
2032 OLYMPICS ROWING WILL BE HELD IN CROC-INFESTED RIVER
Crikey, that river is croc-y.
ANNOYING KIDS LEFT BEHIND ON FIELD TRIP
♪♫ 99 fliaš piva na stene…♫
TEACHER BROKE INTO A HOUSE ALONG WITH HIS STUDENTS
Hands-on learning.
AIRLINE BREAKS TRACK STAR’S JAVELINS
Them’s the breaks.
BEACHCOMBERS CLAIM TO FIND KNEECAP; IT WAS JUST A SEA POTATO
Goes great with a sea steak.
RHINO POACHER TRAMPLED BY ELEPHANTS
Another of those Circle of Life things.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
The Shirt From Hell
How’re We Doing On Getting That Bigger Boat?
Creepy Woody
Duck In A Raincoat
The Original
That Smudge’s Been Bugging Me
THE BUZZ
“A _____ OF ______”
An adjective of nouns.
STUDY: SURGEONS WORK BETTER, FASTER WHEN AC/DC IS PLAYING
I’m thunderstruck.
THE MOST-GOOGLED DREAMS
In your dreams.
WACKY ANESTHESIA STORIES
High comedy.
TEACHERS REVEAL RIDICULOUS REQUEST FROM PARENTS
Let this be a lesson to you.
DUMB HEADLINES
Real headlines. Real dumb headlines.
STUDY: COLLEGE STUDENTS, PAID TO SLEEP MORE, GET BETTER GRADES
Forty winks = 5 bucks.
SURVEY: WHERE WE DON’T LIKE PETS
Restaurants, grocery stores, doctor’s office.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
HEART OF THE BEAST
Starts Friday, September 25 in theaters.
PRIMETIME
Starts Friday, September 25 in theaters.
FORGOTTEN ISLAND
Starts Friday, September 25 in theaters.
THE WEIGHT
Starts Friday, September 18 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – STOP THINKING
Thinking of buying a new car? Stop thinking! Al and Mike have!
FOURTOOTH FARMS CORNY MAZE
Makes a great babysitter, when you have errands.
OKTOBERFEST SONG – BIERGARTEN GIRLS
It’s Oktoberfest time!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 18.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – No Reasonable Offer
Big Al gets an offer he can’t refuse.
FELDMAN’S BIG AND DUMB SHOP FOR MEN
For stupid men, duh.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 11.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
EAU DE GASOLINE PARFUM
It even sounds expensive.
A & M AUTOLAND – Subliminal Ad
Al and Mike try communicating below the threshold of actual thoughts, which is how their brains work anyway.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 4.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Dinners
With their latest promotion, Al and Mike have bitten off more than they can chew.
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