CRITIC’S CHOICE AWARDS NOMINATIONS

After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.” The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”

What do you can a man with no shins?

posted February 27

Toe-knee.

When is the best time to buy a bird?

posted February 26

When it’s going cheep.

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?

posted February 25

Lawyers don’t think they are funny, and non-lawyers don’t think they are jokes.

King Tut calls a restaurant to make a reservation.

posted February 24

The host says, “What’s the name?” Tut says, ” “Tutankhamun.” Host says, “How do you spell that?” Tut says, “Hawk, loaf of bread, water ripple, water ripple, wheat stalk, scarab, owl.”