COW ON THE LOOSE

For the past few months, a 1500-pound cow has been running loose in upstate New York, and so far, it has evaded every single attempt at capture. The cow was first spotted back in June, hanging out at Moe’s Southwest Grill at 5 a.m. (“Cow walks into a bar …”) The local police departments of New Hartford and Utica – the two towns the cow seems to frequent – are at a loss. Lt. Steve Hauck of the Utica Police Department (who likes to talk in really, really long run-on sentences) says, “We don’t have the ability to tranquilize this animal. One, we don’t have the training and there’s very specific regulations on who can carry those and how to use them, so we’re very limited at what we can do stop this animal. We don’t have the ability to trap it, so what I would ask is that if there is someone out there that does have the ability to either trap this thing or transport it, or take it, please step forward because we’re very limited as to what we can do with this animal and we’re concerned about the safety of the public and certainly nobody wants to have to euthanize the cow, but we have to worry about people more than anything so unfortunately if it comes down to that we’re going to have very limited options.” A little over a week ago, New Hartford police set a trap called a headlock feeder. As the cow is feeding, a spring-loading locking mechanism is supposed to trap the cow in the feeder by its head. But, as of Monday, it will have been out for 15 days, and the cow has avoided the head trap.
* So they’re playing head games with the cow.
* How about calling in that farmer on YouTube who attracts his cows with a trombone? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs_-emj1qR4)
* I know you know what I’m talking about – the video has over 9 million hits.
* If the cow likes Moe’s Southwest Grill, how about luring it in with a “Cows Drink Free” night?
* Is there such a thing as a super-jumbo-size Taser?
* Upstate New York? Isn’t that where the two prisoners eluded capture for so long?
* If a cow can get away, I’m beginning to see how that happened.
* Sorry, but that’s the most pathetic statement from law enforcement I ever heard.
* Of course they don’t have training in this. They were too busy learning how to make excuses.
* “Please step forward because we are very limited …” Way to inspire confidence!