Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
NICOLE KIDMAN, DEATH DOULA
Angel of mercy.
SID KROFFT, CREATOR OF H.R. PUFNSTUF, DIES
Can’t do a little ’cause he can’t do enough.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
GUCCI MANE KIDNAPPED BY POOH SHIESTY
Headline doesn’t make any sense to us, either.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
90-year-old man walks up to a pretty woman at a bar.
He says, “So, do I come here often?”
Guy walks into a bar and says, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
The bartender says,, “What makes you say that?” Guy says, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. She was so thrilled to have me around, that every time the mailman or a delivery man came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
Why did the jelly bean go to school?
Because he really wanted to be a Smartie.
How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
U.S. NEWS
MAN IN COW COSTUME ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED STABBING
How now, brown cow?
AMAZON WORKER DIES, OTHERS INSTRUCTED TO KEEP WORKING
Worked to death.
PIGEON HOARDER
This story is for the birds.
37 SECONDS OF GAS PASSING, AS REVIEWED BY A.I.
“The core melody is solid.”
CHICAGO WHITE SOX HOLDING POPE HAT NIGHT
It’s packin’ the pews.
OREO TRIES OUT DILL PICKLE-FLAVORED OREOS
Doesn’t mean you have to.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
BUS DRIVER FIRED FOR LETTING WOMAN SIT IN HIS LAP WHILE DRIVING
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
COMMERCIAL JETLINER PILOT BUZZES HIS HOMETOWN ON HIS LAST FLIGHT
Hvað ætla þeir að gera, reka mig?
UGANDAN ARMY GENERAL WANTS $1 BILLION, AND A BEAUTIFUL TURKISH WOMAN
Opportunity knocks, ladies.
CANADA BESET BY FAKE SYRUP SCANDAL
Unpure thoughts.
MAN STEALS FAMILY’S INHERITANCE, BLOWS IT ON HORSE SEMEN
What a vial thing to do.
RUSSIAN WANTS SOVEREIGN TERRITORY ON THE MOON
Just what the moon needs: assholes.
AUDIO: WOMAN GIVES BIRTH AT HOCKEY GAME
Power move.
CRUISE PASSENGERS MAROONED ON “CAST AWAY” ISLAND
Wouldn’t it be ironic if the captain’s name was Wilson?
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Duck Takes An Uber
A Batman Movie I’d Like To See
Pull Up A Seat
I’d Pay Money For This
We Hear You Got Snacks
Bear-Repelling Mittens
THE BUZZ
DO YOU LISTEN TO THE RADIO IN THE CAR? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Is there anybody out there? Yes.
PB&J’S FROM AROUND THE WORLD
Be my huckleberry.
THE MOST CRINGE THING AT A WEDDING
It’s wedding season. Don’t do this stuff.
SUMMER IS GETTING LONGER
And Leon is getting larger.
TRULY WEIRD NAMES FOR THINGS
Star Wars.
HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME?
As if your parents gave it a lot of thought.
THE COST OF RAISING A BABY
What a racket.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
NORMAL
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
YOU, ME AND TUSCANY
Starts Friday, April 10 in theaters.
HUNTING MATTHEW NICHOLS
Starts Friday, April 10 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Beat It
If you find a deal and Big Al can’t beat it, Big Mike will beat Al.
SONG – WORK ON MY TAXES ALL DAY
Wht are YOU doing this weekend?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 10.
TACHYON TAX
Faster than TurboTax!
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Tax Time
Al and Mike try to have fun with your refund.
RED PLOPSTER SHRIMP MONTH
This is it, baby.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 3.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – April Fools
Al and Mike are fools no matter what month it is.
ONE MINUTE OPTICAL
Why wait a whole hour for glasses?
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Dollar Days
Big Al’s calling his sale Dollar Days, even though he has no cents.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 20.
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