CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAY PARTY: “EVERYONE JUST HAND US 5 BUCKS”

From Thursday’s Miss Manners column:
“Dear Miss Manners: For my son’s upcoming birthday party, we will be inviting his class and baseball team, as well as a few cousins. He has lots of toys already and doesn’t really need any more. I know asking for cash, or any gift for that matter, is tacky, but since it is customary for people to bring gifts, I thought it would be convenient for us and cheaper for the guests to just give him a $5 bill instead of a toy that would not be used. The money would go into his piggy bank. Not sure how to word this, though, without sounding awful. Please help. I don’t want to offend anyone, but it would be cheaper than an unused $20 toy that we don’t have room for.”
Miss Manners responded, in part, “Handing over a fiver as a price of admission seems particularly insulting and takes any small pleasure from the guest in choosing a present.”
* The other stuff Miss Manners said is not fit for radio.
* Talk about Rich People’s Problems.
* I know how to word it: “If you will be so kind as to bring a birthday gift of 5 dollars, we promise not to have a clown, a balloon-animal person, or a magician.”
* Inviting his class AND his baseball team? I guarantee you your son ain’t that popular, lady.
* How about paying the kid five dollars to attend his birthday party, but ten dollars if you don’t want to go?
* Hillary didn’t monetize the State Department this hard.
* Why not invite everyone in your town and get the kid’s college tuition together?
* “Not sure how to word this without sounding awful.” Well, I’m afraid there’s no avoiding that.
* Now the kid wants a million dollars for Christmas.
* PHONE TOPIC: Unpleasant Children’s Birthday Parties