SANTA TELLS KID TO "LAY OFF THE BURGERS AND FRENCH FRIES"
Yeah, but the kid was 9.
STARBUCKS PLANNING YUUUUUUGE EXPANSION
Resistance is futile.
WOMAN TEARS UP EX-BOYFRIEND'S LAWN, BLARING XMAS MUSIC
Feliz Navi-dead.
CAT COPS!
Cat rats on fugitive.
$1,000 CHRISTMAS TREE
In New York City.
COMMUTER DROPS PHONE ON TRACKS, HITS EMERGENCY STOP
Then what are those emergency buttons for, anyway?
AIRPORT HIRES THERAPY PIG
When pigs fly.
GUY FAILS TO ROB 5 BANKS IN THREE HOURS
Now that’s dedication.
MARATHON RUNNER TAKES WRONG TURN, IS LOST IN WOODS FOR 12 HOURS
Found after dark.
TWO BURGLARS, ONE ROOSTER
Cock-a-doodle dumb.