BURGLAR STRIPS, CLIMBS INTO COUPLE'S BED

Portland, Oregon, police say Dean Defeudis, 32, broke into a home around 3 a.m. Thursday, gathered items of value and then stripped naked, climbed into bed with a man and woman and then kissed the man. The man woke up and Defeudis was sitting on top of him holding a knife. He pushed Defeudis off of him, pulled out his handgun and told his to stop. Defeudis put his pants on and ran out of the home, chased by the man who fired three shots to get him to stop. Defeudis was not injured. But he was arrested by police in a nearby vacant house shortly after the incident. He was treated at a local hospital for suspected drug use before being taken to jail.
* Well, that didn’t go as planned.
* “Dear Penthouse magazine. I had the most amazing sexual experience on my last burglary job.”
* Did I say Penthouse? I meant “Big House” magazine.
* Suspected drug use? This is one where if he wasn’t on drugs, then he has some REAL problems.
* The man was arrested in a vacant house – sort of symbolizing his vacant brain.
* You know what’s going to be tough for this couple? The next thousand times they try and fall asleep.
* In a related story, this week’s meeting of the “Portland Is NOT Weird” society has been canceled.