Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
JEOPARDY! LET’S RUN IT INTO THE GROUND!
I’ll take Oversaturation for a thousand, Ken.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
STEPHEN COLBERT TO WRITE A LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE
One does not simply write his way into Mordor.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
AUDIO: MR. ROGERS CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE
It’s a beautiful day.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
REALITY TV STAR WINNER OF THE IDITAROD DOGSLED RACE
The dogs had something to do with it, too.
ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS LIST
WInner winner, not for Sinners.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later!
Why does it take longer to run from 2nd to 3rd base than any other bases?
Because there’s a short stop in between them.
Why should you wear glasses when doing math?
They really help with da vision.
Why did the puppy need to lose weight?
It was a little husky.
U.S. NEWS
CONNECTICUT ATM THIEVES HAVE STOLEN THREE
Breaking the bank.
EASTER CANDY TO BE – SURPRISE! – MORE EXPENSIVE
“Because eff you, that’s why.” – E. Bunny
BANK ROBBER POSTED FACEBOOK SELFIE JUST BEFORE ROBBERY
Like and follow!
LOCAL HISTORIANS REJECT PLANS FOR TOWN SLINKY MUSEUM
It rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs.
18-YEAR-OLD KID FILLS POTHOLES, SHAMES CITY
Local hero.
NEW! METH-HEAD BARBIE
(Narcan not included.)
FAVORITE FAST FOOD ITEMS, BY RESTAURANT
It’s good to be the King.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
D’ARTAGNAN FOUND, MAYBE
All for one, and all that.
POPE HOLDS AN EXORCIST SUMMIT
The hell he did.
WHALE STRANDED ON GERMAN BEACH
Das Meer war an diesem Tag wütend, meine Freunde.
CANADIAN DISASTER: TIM HORTON’S COLOR-CHANGING MUGS RECALLED
The Great White Ouch.
STRANDED SKIERS WRITE S.O.S. WITH ICE CHUNKS
Never mind, it says, “HELF.”
KAYAKERS ATTACKED BY HOT AIR BALLOON
The Golden Age Of Ambush Ballooning.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Melonhead
Beware Garage Goat
Thou Boardin’, Bro
Hi, Neighbor!
The Problem With News Today
“You Want Fries With That” “I Do”
THE BUZZ
OUTRAGEOUS BALLPARK FOOD
Step up to the plate.
IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE TO BUY ANYMORE
Things are tough all over.
DUMB HEADLINES
Someone thought, “This’ll bring in the readers.”
SURVEY: SURVIVING IN THE WILDERNESS
Everybody thinks they’re Bear Grylls.
IT USED TO BE FUN
Pretty much everything.
POLL: WHAT IS MORALLY WRONG?
What isn’t these days, ammirite?
AT LAST, A CLEAR-CUT DEFINITION OF COMPULSIVE SHOPPING DISORDER
I’m not buyin’ it.
THE BEST/WORST DOG NAMES
At least it’s not Bella.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THEY WILL KILL YOU
Starts Friday, March 27 in theaters.
FORBIDDEN FRUITS
Starts Friday, March 27 in theaters.
PROJECT HAIL MARY
Starts Friday, March 20 in theaters.
READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME
Starts Friday, March 20 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 27.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Dollar Days
Big Al’s calling his sale Dollar Days, even though he has no cents.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 20.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
SONG: MY FAVORITE SPRING BREAK
These are what kids do on break in the spring.
A & M AUTOLAND – Suggestion Box
Big Al and Big Mike are asking for feedback – and boy are they going to get it.
SONG: WHEN YOU’RE IRISH IN A BAR
‘Tis a song for the day, boyo.
JACK 0’LANTERNS
We overstocked at Halloween.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 13.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Anniversary
Sometimes, anniversaries are joyous occasions. Sometimes not.
ADOLESCENT MOTIVATION CENTER
Tried and true methods that work!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, March 6.
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