BEST TIME FOR SLEEP: 9:39 PM

According to a new survey of 2,000 Americans by Serta Simmons Bedding, the best time to go to sleep, averaged out, for a good night’s sleep is 9:39 p.m.
* Don’t look at me. I go to bed at 8. Maybe you’ve heard I gotta be at work at 5am.
* 9:39 pm EXACTLY. Was this survey conducted by robots?
* This can’t be right. Some people they called to survey were probably sleeping with their phones turned off. That messes up the results.
* The worst time to fall asleep is one minute before the alarm goes off.
* This is because of that stupid “Senate Passes Permanent Daylight Savings Time Bill” story, isn’t it?