BAG OF DOG DOO REPORTED STOLEN

The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary on Wednesday. A man told police someone broke into the driver’s side door of his truck sometime last month. According to a police report, the person who tried to steal the truck checked the bed of the vehicle and grabbed what turned out to be “a bag of dog feces.” Police say they haven’t identified any suspects in the crime, but that he or she could face third-degree burglary charges. The Des Moines Register reports that the dog poop has been valued at $1.
* A dollar! I have a dog. Good, lord, I’m sitting on a gold mine.
* Something about this case stinks.
* Maybe he just tossed the bag of dog turds and claimed it was stolen.
* Sure, it’s not a proportional response – it’s like the people who fake a kidnapping because they don’t want to go to work.
* I know one thing: Whoever took this was a real bag of…never mind.
* I can just see the editors at the Des Moines Register: “Stop the presses! We have a new front page story here!”
* You don’t get many scoops that you can pick up with a scooper.