AUDIO: THE GREAT CLOWN SCARE OF 2016 CLOSES SCHOOLS
(NOTE: We have a new comedy bit in the MP3 column about the Clown Sighting craze!)
In Irondale, Alabama, schools were on lockdown Monday after a social media post and phoned-in threat warned “clowns” might show up. A student reported to police that a Facebook post hinted at the possibility of clowns showing up on campus at Shades Valley High School. In addition, Holy Family Cristo Rey High School in Ensley received a call that a clown was coming to the school to lure children to the woods. Police found nothing in both cases. Similar incidents have taken place throughout Alabama and across the southeast. In some instances, children have reported clowns trying to lure them into the woods. In other cases, victims have been messaged by the so-called clowns with vulgar language.
* How do you know if the person texting you is a clown? Does it read, “I’m a clown! Hell damn fart!”?
* Just to be safe, the local SWAT teams have loaded up with plenty of pies and seltzer.
* Luckily, if they catch the clowns, they can fit sixty or seventy of them into the back of one squad car.
* If this is not the planned build-up to a scary clown movie, then someone should take advantage of it and MAKE a scary clown movie.
* Wait a minute … They ARE remaking Stephen King’s “It” with Pennywise the evil clown! Okay, stand down everybody, it’s a promotional gimmick.
* What if the clowns are already among us but—— THEY’RE NOT WEARING MAKEUP!!!!!
* Just pray the clowns don’t join forces with mimes.
* And here I was worrying about ISIS.
* There’s your worst case scenario: ISIS clowns.
* Maybe I shouldn’t even put that suggestion out there.
* This is making me rethink all the times my teachers called me a clown back in high school.
* NOTE – see our new “Clown Sightings” comedy bit in the mps column of our daily prep page.
CLIP: “What are you gonna do with those pies, boys?” (from “Killer Klowns From Outer Space”)
