AUDIO: NAKED MAIL-EATING MAN HIGH ON DRUGS
A video has surfaced online: an Austin, Texas, homeowner filmed a naked man being arrested for eating his mail. The video shows a man, surrounded by police officers, sitting naked on a lawn strewn with letters. As everyone waits for an ambulance, the man talks nonsensically to the officers. Among the things he says:
– “I’m sentient, I’m alive.”
– “How many numbers are there? What color are you? What color is pink? Pink is a hell of a drug.”
– “Uh, marijuana, have you ever had marijuana? So sugar, uh … There is no God. Shoot me, there is no God.”
– “What is the prime number? 911, 911. 911’s not the prime number. I gotta go up. Can I see that picture?”
– “How far am I from you right now?”
– “Someone tell me a joke. Is there a joke in that? Is this … is that the invitation?”
– “Can you turn the temperature down please? I’m right-handed.”
– As the ambulance arrives to pick him up, he says: “Ah, thank you Gary. Thanks everybody. All right, show’s over.”
The man who posted the video explained, “A man on drugs attacked my mail man and ate my 1099 [tax form]. Seriously. The mailman maced him, and I heard the screaming. I started rolling tape as soon as the police arrived to subdue him. This video is my justice. If my three-year-old daughter can’t erase his genitalia from her memory, then I’ll keep posting this as a reminder to all … Don’t do drugs. Or, if you do, don’t do bath salts.”
* The man posted that it was bath salts? Hmm, that’s exactly what I was thinking.
* In the movie, the guy will be played by Ozzy Osbourne.
* “How far am I from you right now?” About 400 light years and six or seven dimensions.
* He ate the guy’s tax form? It coulda been worse. He coulda eaten his refund check.
* What is it about getting wasted that makes clothing seem like such a bad idea?
* How does that logic go? “I’m really high right now. I’d better take off my pants.”
* Don’t leave us hanging. If 911’s not the prime number, then what is the prime number?
* And why do we have to turn the temperature down because you’re right-handed?
CLIP: Audio of the crazy man.
CLIP: Our classic song parody “Snortin’ Up The Bath Salts”.
